


Learning to Breathe

by Nathalie_etc



Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Book: New Moon, Depression, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-22
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:26:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 35,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23778364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nathalie_etc/pseuds/Nathalie_etc
Summary: Set during New Moon, Bella deals with her depression in a healthy way. Edward is not made out to be a bad guy, and Jacob is not a possessive dick.
Relationships: Jacob Black/Bella Swan
Comments: 76
Kudos: 210





	1. November

**Author's Note:**

> The first few chapters are just setup, the real fun comes later ;) Also, this is my first fic, so Constructive Criticism is welcomed, but please be kind!

_ It will be as if I'd never existed, he'd promised me. _

_ I felt the smooth wooden floor beneath my knees, and then the palms of my hands, and then it was pressed against the skin of my cheek. I hoped that I was fainting, but, to my disappointment, I didn't lose consciousness. The waves of pain that had only lapped at me before now reared high up and washed over my head, pulling me under. _

_ I did not resurface. _

_ \- New Moon, Stephanie Meyer _

**November**

Things had been bad for a while.

Things had been bad for too long.

For one long month, I had drowned in the pain of losing him. I had holed myself up in the shell of my body and let the pain crash over me in waves. I had dwelled in the way each breath made my lungs ache, had clung desperately to memories of my lost love.

But 32 days after he had left me, I was tired of things being bad.

I had heard people say that The first step to getting better, is recognizing there is a problem. Although thinking about it, that might have been about alcoholism. But I supposed it was as good a motto as any in this situation.

And I guess, in a lot of ways, alcohol dependence was a pretty good analogy for the relationship I had had with  _ Him. _

Now, devoid of my drug of choice, I had to get better. 

I had to try.


	2. Trying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm not good at these, sorry.  
> Leave me a comment and tell me what you think?

**Trying**

I took a deep breath as I examined myself in the floor-length mirror, pulling the right side of my hair back with a simple black clip. I had picked my outfit carefully this morning. Not that I was wearing anything particularly special - it was just the first time in weeks I had paid any attention to what I had put on. 

I had opted for my good jeans, and a simple white sweater, taking the extra time to brush through my hair and wash my face. I hadn’t been taking very good care of myself, I knew, and the jeans were a little looser in the waist than they used to be.

There was a quiet knock from the doorframe, and Charlie poked his head through the open door of my bedroom.

“I’m off, Bells,” he said, with the now-familiar worried crinkle between his brows. This was his new thing, checking in on me. He had reduced his hours at the station so he could be here in the mornings, and before I got home.

“Alright Dad,” I gave him a small smile from over my shoulder “have a good day.” 

The little crease in his forehead deepened as he took in my appearance. “You look nice today, Kiddo,” He said , his voice betraying a hint of surprise.

I smiled at him again in the mirror, “Thanks, Dad.” He simply nodded and left.

I realised, listening to the front door close behind him, how much my state the last couple weeks must have affected Charlie as well. Guilt pooled in my stomach thinking of how much worry I must have caused my father.

I sighed, checking the time displayed on the digital alarm clock beside my bed. If I was going to make it to school on time, I would have to leave now. I took one last look at myself in the mirror, before stooping to pick my bag up off the floor and making my way down the stairs and out the door.

Driving along the winding highway to Forks Highschool, I reflected upon the past month, trying to see myself from an outsiders view. I had been reading up on Depression, going through scholarly articles and self-help pages online. I tried to look at myself the way a therapist might, tried to imagine what they might say to me.

I was depressed. I had suffered significant emotional trauma. It was okay that I wasn’t okay, but I needed to take care of myself, and learn to acknowledge not only that I could be  _ okay _ , but that I was  _ enough _ without  _ Him _ .

And it would take time.

I had butterflies in my stomach as I opened the truck door and hopped out. It wasn’t like I hadn’t been to school since they’d gone, but in many ways I hadn’t  _ consciously  _ been here in weeks. I knew that I had isolated myself from my friends. Ignoring them in favour of dwelling on the hurt. I was nervous to look at them again with open eyes. 

I steeled myself, pulling my rain jacket tight around my middle, and made my way towards the red brick buildings. It was cold today, and the usual misting of rain was swirling around my hair.

In English class, I took my seat beside Jessica, and noticed that she never looked up to acknowledge my arrival. How long had that been going on? 

I cleared my throat. “Hey, Jess,” I said, smiling in a way that I hoped was normal. Her eyes were wide when they met mine, almost theatrically shocked.

“Um… Hi,” She responded. It sounded almost like a question rather than a greeting. She didn’t say anything else after that, only turning back towards the front as Mr. Bertie began the lesson. 

I pulled my binder out of my bag and tried to focus on what the teacher was saying.

We were studying ‘Animal Farm’, a continuation of the lesson we had started last Friday. I didn’t mind reading about communism, it was better than romances. I sighed, and began to take notes.

At the end of the class, Jess got up and left without a word, meeting Lauren at the door. Neither of them looked back at me. It seemed like going back to normalcy was going to be harder than I thought. I was preparing myself to get the same treatment from Mike in Calculus, but it seemed that he was a bit more forgiving of my foggy state the past few weeks. He smiled politely at me as he came and sat next to me at our table, and I smiled whole-heartedly back.

“Hey,” He said, as if out of habit.

“Hi, Mike.” I said, grateful for his easy friendliness.

He was taken aback for a second by my response, but his smile broadened into a cheery grin as he took in my groomed appearance and ready interaction.

“Good weekend?” He asked as Mr. Verner began to write on the blackboard.

By Lunch I had made an effort to acknowledge each one of my friends, to mostly friendly - though surprised - responses. 

In the cafeteria, Angela had saved a seat for me between her and Mike, and they both smiled warmly as I approached. It was nice to be welcomed back with open arms by them at least. I spent the hour quietly listening in on the conversations happening around me, trying to catch up on the things I had missed.

By the time Coach Clapp let us out of gym class, I was exhausted. There was a dull throbbing headache starting at the base of my skull, and my limbs felt like lead.

I dragged my feet on the way to the truck, with Mike chatting happily in my ear. I appreciated how welcoming he had been, but all the forced smiles were making my cheeks hurt. It took me nearly 15 minutes to escape him with the excuse of Biology homework.

Charlie was in the living room when I got home, I could hear his favourite fishing show playing on the little TV as I came in the front door.

“Hey, kid,” he called out as I locked the door behind me. I heard the click of the TV shutting off, and his heavy footfalls as he came around the corner.

“How was school?” He asked.

“Good,” I responded, shucking off my jacket and hanging it on the hook by the door.

“Should we order in tonight?” He offered, eyeing the tired slump in my shoulders. We had been doing that a lot more lately.

“You go ahead,” I said, “I’m really tired, I actually think I’m just gonna go to bed.” I made myself smile up at my Father, in an attempt to reassure him.

“Sure, Sure,” he said, the crease once again forming between his brows.

Safely behind my closed bedroom door, I fell face first into my bed, kicking my shoes off as I went.

I truly was just tired, but I heard Charlie check on me three times that evening before I heard him walk down the hall to his own bedroom for the night.

Thanks to my atrociously early bedtime the night before, I was up well before the sun on Tuesday morning. I had taken my jeans off at some point in the night, but I was still wearing the white sweater, and my bra was cutting uncomfortably into my ribs. Sitting up in bed, I undid the clasp and pulled it out of the sleeve, tossing it into the pile of other discarded clothes on the floor.

Reflecting on my attempt at recovery yesterday, I decided I needed help.

I dragged myself out of bed, and pressed the ‘on’ button on the old computer on my desk, before grabbing my towel off the back of the door, and tiptoeing to the bathroom for a shower.

I could still hear Charlie’s quiet snores from down the hall as I made my way back to my room and got dressed for the day.

I pulled my wet hair back into a ponytail, and slid into the desk chair. The dial-up had chugged itself to life while I had washed my hair, and I impatiently exited through all the pop-ups until I got to the search engine.

Typing in ‘Forks Therapists’ brought me to a page listing mental health services in my area. The first listing was for a woman named Carolyn Harvey, the little blurb underneath her picture listing the school she went to, as well as saying that she specialised in Depression. I wrote her number down on a sticky note, deciding I would call her that evening.


	3. Better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We're gettin' there bois!

**Better**

“Well, Isabella,” Carolyn said, “It sounds like you’ve been making a lot of progress lately.” The older woman’s eyes pulled upwards as she smiled at me from the opposing armchair.

“It feels like it,” I said, looking up from my hands “It feels good.”

I had been coming to see Carolyn for three weeks now, every Tuesday and Friday, and for the first time since Edward had left, I felt like I was treading water instead of drowning in it.

“It should,” She said, “Sometimes it’s hard to see the progress you’re making, until you’re able to come out the other side and look back.”

“We’re not- I mean, this doesn’t mean we’re finished, does it?” I asked, anxious at the thought of being without her support. Another kind smile spread across her round face.

“No, Bella,” She shook her head, closing her notebook “Not unless you want us to be.” She stood, and I followed, picking up my backpack from the plush grey carpet.

“I’ll see you next week,” she said as she followed me out of her little office and into the waiting room.

As my truck chugged up to the house, I noticed an unfamiliar van in the driveway next to Charlie’s cruiser. I parked on the side of the road, making sure the visitor would have enough room to pull out, and made my way in the front door.

As soon as I got in the house, I knew exactly who was here. Even if Jacob hadn’t poked his head around the corner at my entrance, the smell of battered fish, and the sound of the game on the TV would have given it away.

“Bella!” Jacob beamed “Thank God you’re here, these old guys are boring me to death.” He said under his breath as he gave me a one-armed hug. I chuckled at him, extracting myself from under his arm so I could look up at his face. It was the first time I had seen Jacob in months, and it seemed like he had grown a foot.

“Jeez, Jake,” I said, “what have you been  _ taking _ ”

He shrugged as he followed me back into the living room.

“Hey, Bells,” Charlie greeted me from his recliner, a beer in his left hand and a plate of Henry Clearwater’s fish fry on his lap.

“Hey Dad, Billy,” I nodded to the man in the wheelchair next to my father. He smiled up at me, crinkling his eyes.

Jacob and I sat on the old green couch, him chatting with the men about the game, while I worked on my homework for that evening. By eight I was nodding off with my legs tucked up under me, the events on the screen holding no interest for me, and my English essay long abandoned on the coffee table. Apparently our team won, because a round of shouts and cheering signaled the end of the evening. I stretched to follow the men out to the door and say goodnight. 

Standing under the cover of the porch, Jacob pulled me in for a warm hug while Charlie helped Billy into the passenger seat.

“You should come visit me sometime on the Rez,” Jacob said. I thought he sounded hopeful, and I cringed as I recalled my all-too-successful attempts at flirting the first time I met him on First Beach. But if I was being honest, the idea was intriguing to me. I remembered how much I used to enjoy hanging out with Jake, and had been surprised at how easy it had been around the Black’s this evening.

“Sure,” I said with a smile. He flashed a thousand-watt grin back at me, before loping to the van, taking the three front steps in one long stride.

Charlie and I waved from the porch as they pulled away, rain just starting to spatter against their windshield.

Back inside, I helped Charlie throw out the beer cans and brought the dishes to the kitchen, scraping the plates out into the garbage before stacking them in the sink. 

I didn’t feel like continuing to try and write my English essay, and I had already finished my Calculus homework for the weekend, so I opted to read a book to fill up the rest of my evening.

The rain had turned into a full-on downpour, and the sound was thunderous against my bedroom window. I changed into my ratty old sweatpants, and curled up on top of the duvet with my novel. It was something I had picked up on a trip to Port Angeles with Angela a week ago. I had gotten better about a lot of things since starting therapy, but I still couldn’t bring myself to read the Romances that filled my bookshelves. 

The next few weeks of school were fairly uneventful. I tried my best to spend time with my friends outside of the classroom, as Carolyn suggested I should. Jessica spent most of her time with Lauren though, and while I was always welcome over at Angela’s, there was only so much time I could stand to spend helping her with her little brothers. 

My bi-weekly sessions with Carolyn turned to weekly, and by Christmas, we were down to every other Friday.

I was better, way better. But I wasn’t perfect, and the surplus of time on my hands was leaving me alone with my own thoughts far more than I was really comfortable with.

It was during one of these moments alone - running through affirming thoughts while I drove along the winding highway - that I passed a sign for La Push, and remembered the promise I had made to Jacob.

Jacobs’ easy smiles and sunshiny demeanor were exactly the distraction I needed.

I turned the truck onto the one-ten towards the Reservation, pushing it’s 60-mile-per-hour limit. I was surprised at how excited I was to see him.

As my truck pulled up to the faded red house, I saw a tall figure looking out from the shed around the side, drawn no doubt to the thunderous roar of my engine. When he saw my truck, a wide grin broke out across his face, and he loped towards me on stupidly long legs.

“Bella!” Jacob called. He reached me just as I stumbled out of the Cab, catching me up in a bone-crushing hug before my feet had even hit the ground.

Despite the chilly December air, Jacob was dressed only in a long-sleeve t-shirt, and yet his skin was warm to the touch. Being hugged by Jacob was like being wrapped up in a warm blanket by a fire, and a small part of me didn't want him to let go. But he did.

“What are you doing here?” He asked, setting me back on my feet. He made sure I was stable before he took his hands off my arms.

“I promised you I’d come visit, didn’t I?” I reminded him.

Jake stuffed his hands in his pockets as I walked with him to the front door. “Yeah, I guess so,”

Billy was in the kitchen when Jacob and I walked in, and the wheels of his chair squeaked against the linoleum as he rolled forward to greet me.

“Bella,” he smiled “It’s good to see you.”

“Thanks, Billy,” I said, blush colouring my cheeks at his warm greeting.

We stood awkwardly in the entrance for a few moments.

“So…” Jacob started, rocking back on his heels “What did you want to do?”

“I’m not sure,” I said, “What were you doing before I got here?”

“Oh, I was just out in the shed working on the Rabbit, but we could-”

“No!” I cut him off, “That sounds great, really.” I smiled at him.

“Oh, well, if you’re sure…” he started,

“Totally,” I said, “Lead the way.”

As I followed him through the trees around the side of the house, I listened to Jacobs easy chatter.

The shed was cozy, and bigger than I expected - more like a two-car garage than anything. In the middle was the shell of a shiny black car, the doors detached and leaning up against the wall of the shed.

There was a ratty old loveseat against the left wall, probably what used to be in the living room before Billy had the furniture replaced. I sunk into the deep cushions when I sat down on it, curling my legs up under me.

Jacob and I fell easily into conversation. I hadn’t been lying before, sitting in the shed with Jacob while he worked on the car  _ was _ great. Before I knew it, the sun had set.

“You sure you don’t want to stay for dinner?” Jacob asked as I stood and stretched.

“If I don’t get home soon to make supper, Charlie will starve,” I said as we walked through the sparse trees towards my truck. I hadn’t realized how much warmer it had been in the shed than it was outside, and I shivered a little. Jacob noticed, but he just chuckled and threw his big arm around me.

“When will you come back?” he asked

I laughed a little to myself at his eagerness.

“When will you have me back?”

“Anytime, whenever,” Jacob responded quickly.

“I’ll see you tomorrow then,” I laughed.


	4. Healing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a long one!
> 
> Thank you for the Kudos! Feel free to leave any comments or constructive criticism :)

**Healing**

After that first day, I was over at Jake’s almost every weekend. Some days, Charlie would take Billy out fishing, and we’d all have supper together in the evening. The Clearwaters even joined in a few times, Sue bringing fresh bread or cake for dessert.

It was refreshing to be a part of a community like that, for happiness to come easily and often.

Being with Jacob was as easy as breathing. Most days he would work on the Rabbit while I took up a corner of the loveseat. He would tell me about his world, his friends, whatever drama was happening at the Rez school. Sometimes we would throw in some homework, sprawling out on the floor of Billy’s tiny living room with the TV playing. Twice we went to the beach, hanging out with Jacob’s friends Embry and Quil.

I was happier, and Charlie was happier that I was happier. 

Even the weather was agreeable, unseasonably warm even for the northwest- by February, all the cherry blossoms in town had bloomed. 

It was on one of these unseasonably warm days that I took the risk of leaving my jacket at home when I went to Jacob’s. The sky was a beautiful clear blue, with the temperature sitting around 55 degrees. I hadn’t bothered with anything other than a light sweater over my t-shirt. 

Jake met me at my truck as I pulled up to his house, in nothing but short sleeves and jeans.

“Jeez Jake, I know you run hot, but it’s really not  _ that _ warm out,” I said through the open window, poking his arm where he was resting it on my door.

“Aw come on Bells,” he said, “Just 'cause  _ you're _ always cold, doesn't mean the rest of us are.”

“It’s gorgeous out today,” I said, “do you want to go to the beach?” I loathed the idea of wasting the gorgeous sunshine holed up in the shed.

“Sure!” He said, jogging around and hopping in the passenger seat.

It was a short ride up the coastline to the beach, and the sun reflecting off the grey-blue ocean was spectacular. Jacob whistled cheerfully as I drove, pulling into our regular parking spot. We weren't the only ones who had come down to enjoy the nice day, both the beach and the parking lot were fairly full.

Jake and I walked down the beach past the throngs of families and groups of teenagers until we got to the gnarled piece of driftwood ‘our’ spot. It was far enough past the main part of the beach that we were only passed by the occasional couple. I took my seat on one of the lower roots, while Jake perched on the main trunk of the tree.

Jake was telling me about the fight Quil had gotten into that week at school, and holding my hand as he usually did. I didn’t mind Jacob holding my hand, although I supposed I should. I wasn’t completely blind to the schoolboy crush he had harbored for me, but I liked being close to Jacob. 

I was only half-listening to Jake talk, the other half of me was entirely hypnotized by the sound of crashing waves, and the warm kiss of sun on my skin. I closed my eyes and leaned back, giving in to the comfort of being in nature with someone I loved.

“That cloud doesn’t look too far off,” I heard Jacob say nearly half an hour later. I frowned.

“What cloud?” I asked, opening my eyes. Sure enough, to the east of us was a dark, fat splotch in the crystalline blue. A lonely straggler in the otherwise clear sky. My frown turned into a pout.

“Well, maybe it won’t hit us,” I said, hopefully. It didn’t seem fair that this one cloud could ruin our perfectly sunny day.

“I don’t know, Bells,” Jacob said, eyeing the sky doubtfully, “The wind’s really picking up.”

Sure enough, as I looked down the beach towards the car, I noticed most of the people were heading back towards the parking lot. I tried to convince myself that they all just really wanted lunch, and not that they were all smart enough to escape from the encroaching storm.

“But, it’s still sunny out!” I whined. Jacob chuckled, twirling a strand of my hair around his fingers.

“Well we can stay if you want,” He said, “But if we get wet, I’m blaming you.” I sighed. As much as I hated the idea of leaving the warm driftwood, I hated the idea of getting caught in a downpour more.

I groaned as I stood, “I guess we should go,” I conceded. Charlie and Billy would be back from fishing in a few hours, if we went to the grocery store now, I could probably have a lasagna ready for when they got home.

As if on cue, the sky began to darken, the heavy cloud blocking out the sunlight.

“Oh by all means,” Jacob said teasingly, leaning back nonchalantly against the driftwood roots, “We can stay if you want.” I looked up at the sky, now blackened by the ugly cloud, leaching away all the warmth that the light had brought to the day.

“Absolutely not,” I said resolutely “We really should go.”

“Well it’s just that you made  _ such _ a fuss about leaving when  _ I _ brought it up,” Jacob continued his mocking charade. The first raindrops started to fall on the rocks, staining them with little black dots.

“Jacob Black, I will leave without you!” I warned, crossing my arms.

Just as suddenly as the weather had changed, Jacob’s faux-frown had turned into an ear-to-ear grin.

“Not if  _ I _ leave without  _ you _ !” he shouted, leaping up off the log and speeding off down the beach towards the truck.

“Hey!” I called after him, racing to try and catch up to him. The rocks clacked against each other under my feet as I struggled to run, and the sky opened up in truth. A torrential downpour fell from the sky. Jacob was a good 20 feet ahead of me, laughing while the rain soaked through his shirt. He stopped and held his hand out for me, waiting for me to catch up. I couldn’t help but laugh too, as we ran together from the beach and through the parking lot to the truck. I hopped in the cab and reached over to unlock the door for Jake.

The rain battered heavily against the roof, and poured down the windshield in rippling sheets which warped the view of the horizon. Jacob and I were still laughing heartily, our clothes soaked entirely through, and both our hair dripping steadily onto the leather bench. 

I put the key in the ignition, turning on the windshield wipers and the heat. Jacob took my hand again. I smiled over at him, turning sideways to face him, I kicked off my shoes and put them up on the bench, my legs bent at the knee and my head back against the cold windowpane. There was no going anywhere until the rain let up at least a little.

Looking at Jacob, it was hard not to notice how good he looked. His dark green shirt clung to the skin of his shoulders and chest, and there were water droplets stuck on his thick lashes. His hair looked sleek in its ponytail, with a few tendrils sticking to his high cheekbones and neck. It wasn’t fair that he would look so good soaking wet, I was sure I looked closer to a wet cat while he looked like an artfully misted model in a moody  _ Guess _ commercial.

“What’cha looking at, Bells?” he asked, his lips drawn back in a cocky half-smile.

My arm was stretched forward with my hand still in his, and his thumb was rubbing soothingly across my knuckles.

“Nothing. I just hadn’t realized before. Did you know, you're sort of beautiful?” I don’t know why I said it, it just sort of slipped out. I worried for a moment that he might take my impulsive observation the wrong way, But Jake only laughed, extracting his hand from mine.

“Did you fall and hit your head back there or something?” He joked. Leaning forward, he teasingly pushing my hair back, pretending to look for a bump, I swatted his hand away.

A blush crept up from my collar to my cheeks, but I smiled too. The rain had let up a little, so I turned in my seat, slipping my feet back into my shoes and turning the engine all the way on.

“Come on,” I said, “Let’s go get into dry clothes.” I pulled out of the parking lot and back onto the highway. Jacob turned the radio on to some Rock station, singing along. The song was vaguely familiar, and by the time we pulled back into Jacob’s yard I was singing along to the closing rendition of the chorus.

The truck's heater had been keeping me warm despite my wet clothes, but the short trek from the truck’s cab to Jacob’s living room left me chilled to the bone. He, of course, seemed entirely comfortable, laughing at my chattering teeth.

I followed him into his room where he grabbed us both some dry clothes. Jake gave me the bedroom while he slipped into the bathroom down the hall to change. I shucked off my wet jeans and shirt, and then after a minor debate with myself, peeled my soaked bra off as well. I pulled on the giant hoody Jake had given me. It was a faded grey - and thanks to my friends’ giant stature - fell nearly to my knees. 

Jake knocked on the door before he came back in a pair of black sweatpants with a towel for me. I quickly shoved my discarded bra into the sweater pocket, and handed him the rest of my clothes to put in the dryer.

I squeezed the water out of my hair with the towel while I sat on Jacobs’ bed. Despite how big the Hoody was, I was still feeling a little exposed with my legs bare. 

I heard the dryer start in the other room, and Jacob came back in with his hair pulled up and off his bare shoulders. 

I had never seen Jacob shirtless before, nor had I ever seen him with his hair in a bun at the crown of his head. I felt the heat of a blush creeping up from my collarbone as I quickly looked away. 

Jacob, completely unaware of my pathetic reaction, crawled over me where I was perched on the edge of his bed to sprawl across the length of it.

“Great idea going to the beach, Bells,” Jacob teased.

“Ha, Ha,” I rolled my eyes at him, pulling my wet hair into a ponytail to get it out of my face. “What, do you not wear clothes now?” I asked, poking the bare skin on his chest.

“Well I would, Bells,” He said, tugging on the ends of my hair, “But you're wearing my shirt.”

I rolled my eyes again at that,  _ as if _ he didn’t have any other shirts.

Jacob had - Impossibly - continued to grow while we had been hanging out. In the past month, he had shot up another three inches or so, and lost the last of his baby fat around his face. Looking at him lying there topless with his left arm tucked behind his head, it was impossible not to tell he wasn't the fifteen-year-old kid I had first met.

Jacob’s hand wrapped around my wrist, tugging me back towards him. I happily curled up into his side. Even after being drenched in a storm, Jacob was warm to the touch, and I nestled myself gratefully under his arm. I dozed off there with Jake’s big hand rubbing soothing circles on my back.

I woke up warm. I was curled up comfortably over the warmest, comfiest pillow in the world, the rain against the roof sounding soothing for once instead of infuriating. 

I hummed happily to myself, nuzzling contentedly into the warm thing beneath me.

A chuckle vibrating beneath my cheek snapped me out of it.

“Morning, Sleepyhead.” Jake’s voice said, his breath ruffling my hair. I was lying almost entirely on top of him, my left leg hitched up around his waist, and my head on his bare chest. Thankfully, his hands were very safely resting on the middle of my back. I looked up at him groggily, and he laughed at me again.

“Comfy?” he asked.

“Shut up.” was my clever reply. I groaned, rolling off of him, and fell entirely off of his single-wide bed. I landed butt-first with a thud on the wooden floor.  _ Nice, Bella. Real graceful.  _ I thought to myself.

Jacob laughed raucously, holding his stomach while I pulled myself up off the floor, rubbing my sore behind. I shot him a glare before heading down the hallway to the dryer, pulling out both of our clothes. 

“So, not a morning person, huh?” Jacob said from behind me. He was standing in the laundry room doorway with a smirk plastered on his face and his arms crossed casually across his chest. I threw his shirt at his face, sticking out my tongue for good measure.

“Put some clothes on,” I ordered, while I stuffed my legs into my pants, hopping while I pulled them up under the sweater, and trying not to expose my underwear.

“Yes, Ma’am,” Jacob teased, pulling the green t-shirt over his head.

I pulled out my shirt and sweater as well, but if I was being honest, I didn’t really want to take off Jacob’s hoody. I folded both articles of clothing and brought them with me down the hall, placing them on the coffee table in the living room, before heading through to the kitchen. Jacob followed behind me, apparently greatly refreshed from our nap. The clock on the oven read 4:17, our fathers would be home any time now. 

“Come on, Baloo,” I teased. “Let’s make supper.”

Jake and I made grilled cheese sandwiches, him buttering the slices of bread while I assembled and cooked. We got through half the loaf of bread, putting the finished sandwiches on a plate in the oven to keep warm, before Billy and Charlie came in the front door.

“Hey, kids,” Charlie greeted us.

“Hey, Dad.” I said “No catch?” I asked, eyeing his empty hands.

“We got a couple, they’re out in a cooler on the porch.” He said. I nodded and started on a salad, leaving Jacob to man the frying pan.

“You two get caught out in the storm?” Charlie asked after a beat, eyeing Jacob’s sweater suspiciously.

“Yup!” Jake chimed in from the stove, waving his spatula towards me. “Bells and I got soaked.”

Charlie just “Humph’ed” and followed Billy into the living room where the TV was already playing.

We ate while watching a game, and left Shortly after Seven, Charlie following my truck in the cruiser.

It wasn’t until I was back in my room getting ready for bed that I realized I was still wearing Jacob’s sweater.


	5. Bears

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mostly just a filler chapter. More coming soon!

**Bears**

"So…" Charlie said over breakfast Monday morning, "You and Jacob are…"

"Friends," I said firmly, "Just friends, Dad."

Charlie nodded silently, staring at his plate of toast. "Does Jake know that?"

I dropped my spoon into my bowl of cereal, and the handle slipped into the milk. I sighed. 

"Jake knows how I feel," I said, carrying my half-finished cereal bowl to the sink. Turning on the tap I watched the soggy cheerios slip down the drain with the milky water. I heard Charlie's chair squeak against the linoleum floor. He placed his plate on the counter.

"So long as you're both on the same page." He kissed me on the cheek, then left the kitchen. I waited until I heard the front door close behind him to turn off the tap.

I thought about that. Were Jacob and I on the same page? I knew how Jacob felt about me, and he knew that I didn’t feel the same way. He never pushed those friendly boundaries, but then our boundaries were perhaps a little fuzzier than the average friends’.

I left the bowl in the sink and collected my bag and jacket. The grey skies from that day on the beach had persisted, and the rain hadn’t truly let up all weekend, making the daily highs of 55 feel a lot colder than they had in the sunshine. I let the heater warm the truck cab before I pulled out of the driveway.

I spent most of my classes that day distracted, thinking about my relationship with Jacob. I was sure that what I felt for Jacob wasn’t the same as I had felt for Edward. However, my embarrassing reaction to Jacob’s half-dressed form while we cuddled in his bed left me wondering if my feelings were entirely Friendly, or if there wasn’t something more there.

Jacob’s hoody was on my bed where I left it when I got home from school that day. I threw it in the hamper, deciding I would wash it before I saw him again the next weekend.

When I awoke the next morning, I was tired and groggy, as if I had barely slept. I dragged my leaden body out of bed, and shuffled to the bathroom. Turning the tap all the way to the left, and held my breath while I splashed icy water on the face. I grabbed the hand towel while I stood up, trying to catch the freezing water droplets rolling down my skin before they made their way into my shirt.

I got ready for school mechanically. I had slept in and Charlie was already gone for work. I scarfed down a granola bar on the drive in, and barely made it to English in time.

“Jeez Bella, you look beat,” Jess said as we stood at the end of class, “what were you doing last night?”

I smoothed my hair self-consciously with my fingers while we walked out of the classroom “I just didn’t sleep very well,” I said.

Lauren was waiting for Jessica outside, and I thought

I heard the blonde make a crude remark about what  _ she _ thought I might have been up to at night as Jess walked off with her to their next class. I sighed, trying to push thoughts of cruel pretty girls from my mind, and made my way to Trig.

By the time I got to lunch, our table was almost entirely full. 

“No, really, it was as big as a bear,” Angela was saying as I sat down next to Mike, my chair squeaking against the linoleum. Mike scoffed.

“What was?” I asked, trying to catch up to the conversation.

“Ben and I saw some kind of freak animal out in the woods last night.” she supplied.

“What were you doing out in the woods at night, anyway?” Mike asked, raising an eyebrow suggestively, Angela blushed scarlet, turning to Ben to shift the conversation away from the uncomfortable question.

“Come on, you saw it too, right Babe?”

Ben looked intensely uncomfortable. He shook his head half-heartedly. 

“I don’t know Ang, It was dark… Maybe it was just a bear.”

“Yeah,” Lauren snorted, rolling her eyes “You’re lucky you didn’t get eaten…” Jessica giggled while both Ben and Angela blushed, the latter crossing her arms and leaning back in defeat. 

While I didn’t exactly appreciate our classmate’s crude teasing, It did get me thinking. I had never really thought about Angela and Ben being physical. Hell, I rarely even saw them kiss. Angela was such a shy, sweet girl I guess it never really occurred to me that she and Ben would be doing what any other teen in a relationship would be doing. Pastor’s daughter or not, she was a Seventeen year old.

I turned to my friend, trying to back her up a little. 

“You know, my Dad’s been getting a lot of reports at the station about animal sightings.” I said, recalling our conversation from last night, “Tracks real close to town, Wildlife is getting worried about it.”

“Huh,” Angela said, raising her eyebrow pointedly at Ben.

“You probably saw whatever those other people did.” 

Angela smiled at me, appreciating me trying to stand up for her. Her posture relaxed some, and we fell into easy conversation.

I made lasagna that night for dinner - something I usually saved for weekends when I had more time - and I worried while the marinara simmered that I wouldn’t have it ready by the time Charlie came home. My worry turned out to be for nothing though. As I slid the dish into the oven close to 5:30, the old wall-mounted phone rang. My father’s gruff voice was on the other side, telling me he wasn’t going to be home for a few hours.

“A hiker’s gone missing,” He said, sounding tired, “I’ve got a bunch of paperwork to fill out here. I won’t be home till late.”

“Do you think he just got lost?” I asked, biting my lip nervously.

“Don’t know yet,” He replied, “Hopefully, but we have to cover all our bases.”

“Right. Well, I’ll leave some dinner out for you.”

“Thanks, Bells.”

We hung up, and I turned to the dishes.

When the lasagna was done, I scarfed down a square standing alone in the kitchen, then made up a plate for charlie, leaving it wrapped in tinfoil on the kitchen table. I put the rest of the dish in the fridge, and headed up to my room for an early night.

I had some homework that I could do, but nothing pressing, and I was tired. So I grabbed the ratty sweats and holy t-shirt off my bed, and headed to the shower. I washed briskly, only halfway drying my hair with the blow dryer before I gave up. 

Despite my lack of sleep the night before, I slept restlessly, waking up often. My dreams switching unnervingly from happy images of my sunshiny Jacob, to disturbing, malformed, giant bears.


	6. Loving

**Loving**

“When was the last time you did something for you?” Carolyn asked in our Friday session. 

I was a little taken aback by her question. “Well, I enjoy cooking.” I said, a little defensively, “and I read.”

Carolyn smiled, her blunt auburn bob rustling as she nodded her head side to side.

“And that’s all well and good,” she said, “But enjoying the things you do in your day-to-day is different than doing something just for you. When was the last time you baked something, just because you wanted to, and not for anyone else? Or bought yourself something new because it made you feel good, not just because you needed it?”

I thought about that. The last thing I had bought for myself was a practical black rain jacket from the clearance rack at Newton’s.

“I guess I just don’t really think about stuff like that,” I conceded.

“Well, think about it,” Carolyn said, squeezing my hand as we stood and left the office.   
  


Driving home along the winding highway, I passed a tiny outlet store tucked into the trees. Remembering Carolyn’s suggestion, I pulled the truck over onto the shoulder, waiting for the few other cars to pass before making a U-turn, and swinging into the square little parking lot.

The building looked like it had been converted from an old house, and the wooden sign on the front read “Lacy’s Clothing and Apparel” in swirly red font. 

A little bell rang as I walked through the glass door. An older woman in glasses smiled at me from behind the counter against the right wall. I assumed she was Lacy. 

The front room was filled with tables of forest-themed jewellery in dainty gold and silver, scented candles and hand-made ceramic mugs and bowls. I looked at a display of earrings with small birds on them, and rings made to look like tree branches and antlers.

I walked through an open archway to the second room, a large open space divided by racks of sweaters and dresses. To the right of the arch was a display of leather purses and wallets. I looked at them enviously, my own ratty canvas wallet shoved hastily in my jacket pocket. I picked up a simple black wallet with a zip closure, and tucked it hastily back into its place when I saw the $90 price tag. 

I sighed, turning and looking around. I had hoped to get myself something, but it looked as though the items here would be a little out of my price range. I figured I would look around a little more, maybe get one of the scented candles from the front room.

A hand-painted “Sale” sign caught my eye on the back wall, and I made my way towards it. I assumed it was the clearance section. As I rounded a rack of cardigans obscuring my view of the wall, I saw that instead, it was a large display of lacy Lingerie. Below a poster of a confident-looking model advertising the brand was a handwritten sign advertising “All sets Buy 1 get 1 Free”. 

Curious, I examined a pale pink mass of lace, neatly displayed on a number of connected hangers.

“Gorgeous, aren’t they?” I jumped at the sudden appearance of the saleswoman from the counter behind me.

I smiled at her, blushing irrationally.

“They’re an Indie brand based out of Vancouver,” she went on, unaware of my embarrassment. She grabbed a black mesh set with delicate blue flowers embroidered all over, 

“Each set comes with one bra and three matching panties,” she explained as she showed me the different cuts of underwear that went with the set. “It’s a great deal, they’re having their spring blow-out.”

She held the hanger of black and pale blue up to me. “That colour suits you,” she nodded resolutely, “what’s your size?”

I was more than a little overwhelmed by the sale woman's unabashedness. 

“Uhm, 34B, small?” I choked out without thinking.

She flicked through the rack briskly, pulling out a few hangers and shuffling them around until she had the correct set of sizes. She pushed these into my hands, giving me a quick pat on the shoulder before turning on her heel and walking back towards the front room. 

“Let me know if you need any more help, dear.” She called over her shoulder as she disappeared around the corner.

I stood there for a moment slightly aghast. Thanks to the Woman’s overzealous help, I now felt somewhat obliged to buy the flowery undergarments. But a niggling anxiety told me that the two Fifties in my wallet from Christmas might not be enough for the sumptuous garments.

Holding my breath I checked the price tag, only to let it out in a surprised “whoosh” when I saw the set marked at $49.99.

While it was far more than what I would usually spend on undergarments, I supposed this did fall under the category of “treating myself” as Carolyn had suggested.

I reasoned with myself that they were on sale, I would be getting six pairs of underwear and two bras for a fraction of what I would normally have to pay. 

I turned back to the wall of lace and mesh, looking for a set just slightly more practical than the one I had in my hands. A peach-coloured bralette caught my eye at the end of the row. 

Slightly more opaque polka-dots interspersed the sheer cups in a colour that matched the elastic trim, and a gold-coloured clasp joined the centre of the two fabric triangles. The underwear matched of course, though one of the three pairs was a slightly more conservative (though still see-through) pair of boyshorts.

I found my size, and carried my selections up to the counter, grateful that there was no one else in the small store.

The woman chatted cheerfully while she rang up the items, carefully folding each one and wrapping it in tissue paper. My total after Taxes only came to about Fifty-Five dollars, so on a whim, I grabbed one of the smaller candles displayed on the counter and added it to the pile.

I left the store carrying a blue paper bag stuffed with my new goodies, Sixty-Three dollars poorer, and strangely excited about it.

When I got home I took my things upstairs to my room, extracting the Lingerie and removing the tags, before adding it to the pile of laundry in my hamper.

I set the clothes to washing, and headed to the kitchen to start on a shepherds pie before Charlie got home.

I was adding chopped carrots and corn to the ground beef when the phone rang.

“Hello?” I said into the receiver.

“Hey Bells,” Jake said cheerily from the other side.

I tucked the phone between my shoulder and ear while I ground pepper into the meat in the frying pan.

“Hey Jake,” I said, “What’s up?”

“Just checking you’re still coming down tomorrow.”

“‘Course,” I responded, stirring with a wooden spoon, “same as usual.”

“Good, good,” Jacob said, “Just come down early, you and me are going for a drive.”

“Oh my gosh, Jake!” I exclaimed, “You finished the Rabbit?”

“Yup!” he said proudly, popping the ‘p’

I celebrated with him while I put the meat in a dish, topping it with mashed potatoes. We decided I would be there at 9am sharp before I hung up, and slid the dish into the preheated oven.

Charlie came home while I was transferring the clothes from the washer to the dryer. I kept out the lingerie, laying them out on a rack to dry so they wouldn't shrink in the machine. I closed the laundry-room door before heading back to the kitchen to pull the Shepherds Pie out of the oven.

Charlie and I ate contentedly, chatting about our days.

After dinner, Charlie cleaned the dishes while I brought the hamper of now-dry clothes to my room, keeping the girly undergarments at the bottom of the pile so there was no risk of my Father seeing them.

I folded the clothes on my bed, leaving Jacob’s sweater neatly folded on top of my dresser, and transferring the other tops and pants to the drawers.

When I got to the Lingerie I eyed it wistfully. While a little Gaudy for me, they truly were beautiful. I picked up the black floral bra.

I closed my bedroom door and stripped down to try it on.

It fit me perfectly, which was shocking considering I had never tried my sizes in this brand. The black mesh was sturdier than I expected, and the pale blue forget-me-nots were embroidered in an artful spray across my breasts.

I selected the matching high-waisted bottoms from the pile on the bed, and swapped my grey cotton briefs for them.

I twisted my body in the mirror, examining the way the fabric fell on my skin. I had never been a person who was particularly confident in my body, though I supposed there wasn't anything objectively wrong with it. I had gained back the weight I had lost after Edward left, and then a little. My legs were long and slender, but my stomach and hips had a softness about them now that I decided I liked.

For the first time in as long as I could remember, I felt  _ pretty _ .

It was a strange feeling - feeling beautiful not because someone told me I was, but because  _ I _ decided I was. The me in the mirror wasn't for anyone else to see, it was just for me, and I loved that. I wrapped my arms around my middle in a strange sort of self-hug. 

“Thank you,” I whispered down to my body.


	7. Friendship

**Friendship**

Though I was sorely tempted by the sheer beauty of it, I opted out of wearing the fancy new black and blue lingerie set to hang out with Jacob. I did, however, decide on wearing the peach coloured bralette, along with the boy shorts. 

I felt a little silly and embarrassed as I pulled my jeans up over the polka-dotted mesh. Even though this set was more ‘everyday’ wear, it still felt fancy compared to my usual cotton affair.

When I pulled up to Jacob’s at Five to Nine, The gleaming black car was parked on the front lawn.

Jacob jogged out the front door, a slice of toast in his hand. Before I could even pull the keys out of the ignition, he was yanking my door open, babbling excitedly while he shoved more than half the piece of toast in his mouth. It was impossible not to laugh, Jake’s joy was catching. That and he had grape jelly on his face.

“Slow down, Jake,” I chuckled. He lifted me up out of the truck cab with one arm, and I swiped the jelly off his cheek with my thumb. 

I walked slowly around the Rabbit, examining it. I couldn’t really see any difference, except the doors were now attached, and Jacob had obviously spent some time polishing it. But Jake was beaming at my appraisal anyways.

“So,” I said, turning to look up at him, “where to, Maestro?”

“Not sure, I was thinking we’d just head down the coast, maybe hit Ruby Beach?” 

“Sound’s good to me!” I said. I grabbed my old brown purse from the truck, then slid into the passenger seat of the car. I grinned at Jake as he turned the key in the ignition, and the Rabbit started with a smooth purr. We waved to Billy, standing in the living room window, before setting off down the one-oh-one.

We stopped at a cafe as we passed through Forks, and I bought us both coffees for the road, and then we followed the highway out of city limits.

It was a half-hour drive along the winding highway to Ruby Beach. We were surrounded on every side by luscious green forest, the sun sparkling as it filtered through the leaves. We passed the time singing along to Jacob’s old rock albums. 

Around 10 o’clock, we parked the car in the reserved visitor parking lot, and started the short trek through the trees down to the beach. I tied my jacket around my waist as we walked, pushing up the sleeves of my white shirt. The sun was shining today, and though the wind was crisp, it was warmer than it had been all week. 

Jacob took my hand as per usual, whistling cheerfully and patiently helping me over the rocks and roots in the path. Within 3 minutes, the trees cleared, and we were standing on the edge of the water. 

There were plenty of people milling about the beach, both visitors and campers alike. The tide was still low, but had already begun its slow ascent up the sand. Children were playing around the bases of the islands and rock formations not yet swallowed up by the sea, dogs barked and chased after scurrying crabs, and a number of photographers had set up tripods along the shore. 

Jake and I walked south along the beach until we reached the point where the sand ended, cut off by the encroaching forest. There, the rocks grew in size until they met the surrounding cliff face, and within the crevices of the stones were hundreds of tidepools. Jacob helped me up the rocks, keeping a constant hand on my elbow or back to ensure I didn't slip and twist an ankle. 

We spent hours examining the tiny natural aquariums, Jake pulling out little crabs or snails for me to see, and then gently placing them back in the little pools of water. 

As the sun climbed towards its peak, the Ocean got higher, threatening to trap us on the rocks. We carefully made our way back towards the main part of the beach, and then back through the woods towards the car. On our drive back up the highway, I closed my eyes and leaned back against the seat. My body felt warm and flush with the heat of the sun and the joy of the day. I listened contentedly to Jacob’s whistling while the light flashed in bursts against the back of my eyelids.

“Lunch?” Jacob asked as we neared the town. 

“Mmm, yes please,” I said, sitting up and opening my eyes, “I’m starved.”

“Me too,” Jake agreed, and turned into the Forks’ pub. We got cheeseburgers to go (Jacob got two), and continued along the road to La Push. We parked at a lookout spot above the beach, and rolled the windows down before we chowed down.

When we finished our food, I gathered up our various wrappers and trash, and walked over to the garbage cans to throw them out.

From the lookout spot, we had a clear view over the water and the surrounding cliffs. Across the bay from us, I watched a number of figures emerge from the trees atop one of the red-faced cliffs. It looked like they were topless, though it wasn’t quite  _ that _ warm out. I watched them as I walked back towards the car, curious as to what they were doing up there. Jacob seemed to be watching them too as I slid back into my seat, and as I shut the door, one of the men took a running start and  _ jumped _ off the edge.

I stifled a gasp beneath my hand as I watched the man fly through the air. I could hardly believe what I was seeing, couldn’t believe that the other men had just stood by and watched him leap to his death.

To my left, I heard Jacob’s low chuckle, and just as I was about to reprimand him for laughing at such a horrible sight, the man in the air dove smoothly into the grey water, and I could hear the faint sounds of the figures up above whooping and cheering.

“Relax, Bells,” Jacob said, “They're just cliff diving.”

I looked at him, then turned back in time to see two more of the men leap into the air, then looked back to Jacob. Though his tone was calm, his eyebrows were creased together, and his full mouth was pulled down into a frown.

“Cliff diving?” 

Jacob nodded. “Most of us jump from lower down,” he pointed out the windshield, indicating the outcrop halfway down the cliff, “But of course that would just be too easy for  _ them _ .”

In the water, I could see the three black dots of their heads, bobbing in the waves. Another man jumped, doing flips in the air before he crashed into the surf below.

“Show offs,” Jacob said, glaring at the figures still on the cliff.

“Do you know them?” I asked, confused by his unfriendly glare.

“Yeah,” he said, looking down “That’s Sam Uley and his gang.”

“Gang?” I was shocked, I didn’t know La Push had a Gang…

Jacob looked up at me and chuckled again, “Not that kind of gang,” he said “They just think they run this place. Embry used to call them hall monitors on steroids, now look at him.” Jacobs' smile faded back into a frown as he gestured with his chin towards the remaining men on the cliff.

“Embry’s up there?” I asked, “Which one is he? I can’t tell.”

“Does it matter?” Jacob’s voice was sour. “He’s the same as the rest of them now.”

“Hey,” I said softly, reaching out to lace my fingers through his hand where it rested in a tight fist against his thigh. I brushed my thumb in small circles against the back of his hand soothingly. Jacob looked down at our hands, and then back up to my face, his eyes filled with something I couldn't read.

“I’m sorry they’re bothering you,” I rested my head against his shoulder, looking out in time to see the last of the men dive gracefully off the cliff. Jacob lifted our intertwined hands, pressing my knuckles softly against his warm lips, then trailing the back of my hand back and forth across his smooth russet cheek.

“They just… they look at me weird,” Jacob’s voice was gruff as he talked, staring out the windshield, “Like they’re waiting for me or something.”

My eyebrows creased and pulled together. I had never seen Jacob so worried, he was always so carefree.

“Well I won't let them take you from me,” I said resolutely. Jacob’s eyes flashed up to mine, a smile breaking out across his face.

“I’ll fight this Sam guy off myself!”

Jacob barked out a laugh, filling the car once again with his joy. He dropped our hands from his face, letting them settle between us.

“Let’s go home, Bells,” He said, starting the car back up and pulling out onto the road. 

I looked out once more towards the water, but the figures were already gone, having disappeared once more into the dark woods.


	8. Fever

**Fever**

The weather was getting increasingly warmer as spring fell upon Forks, the golden sunshine bravely piercing through the northwest clouds more often than not, and bringing a livelihood to the small towns’ inhabitants.

There had been a sharp increase in missing hikers, drawn to the trails no doubt by the warmer weather. As such, Charlie was gone more and more in the evenings, and town authorities were on high alert for the Rogue Bear.

I supposed it must have been the gorgeous weather, but with each passing day, I found myself becoming more anxious for the weekend. As I sat through tedious classes, I longed for quiet moments and warm sodas in the garage with Jake. For days on the beaches, and nights around a fire.

By the time Saturday morning rolled around, I was practically vibrating with excitement. 

The sun streamed brilliantly through my windows when I woke, leaving shadows of the lace curtains against my eyelids, and warming my skin. I stretched, cat-like, tangled in my warm sheets, before padding across the room to open the stiff window.

The air smelled like fresh grass and wildflowers, and I practically skipped to the bathroom as I got ready to head to Jacobs’.

There was a note in Charlie's script on the Kitchen table when I came downstairs.

_ ‘Off fishing with Billy and Harry, back around 3. -Dad’ _

I whistled as I poured myself a bowl of cereal, eating it standing in the kitchen, watching a hummingbird flit around the feeder in the window. I washed and dried the bowl before heading out the door.

I half expected Jacob to meet me out front, but the front yard was empty as my truck pulled up, and there was no twitch of the curtains. I turned off the engine, and trudged up the stairs to the front door, rapping against the wood jovially. 

I waited patiently for the door to open, bouncing on the balls of my feet. After a few moments with no reply, I knocked again, louder this time. I worried for a moment that Jake had forgotten about me. Perhaps he was out with Quil? I counted the seconds under my breath, sad at the thought of losing my day in the sun with Jake. After sixty-four seconds, the door swung open.

Jacob’s lumbering frame stood in the doorway, rubbing his eyes. He was once again in nothing but the black sweats, and his usually sleek ponytail was mussed, the baby hairs around his face sticking up in funny directions. I laughed at him as he squinted down at me.

“You didn’t just wake up, did you?” 

Jake only raised an eyebrow at me, and I laughed some more, pushing past his bare arm into the entry.

“Jeez, Jake, It’s after Ten!” I toed off my shoes while Jake groggily closed the door behind me. 

“I’m a teenager!” Was his huffed response, his voice husky with sleep. I followed him into the living room, where he flopped onto the loveseat on his back, his long legs dangling over the armrest. He caught my wrist and tugged me towards him insistently.

“Can’t we just nap today?” He moaned, his eyes closed and his nose all scrunched up. I giggled and resisted the urge to cuddle up on top of him like I had that one afternoon.

“Nooo,” I whined back, “It’s sunny out, I want to go to the beach, or at least hang out in the garage.” I pulled my arm out of his grip, and poked him a few times in the chest, like a kid poking a dead thing.

“Want me to make you breakfast?” I asked, hoping to lure him awake with fried eggs. His left eye cracked open at that, and he pouted his lips comically and nodded. I laughed again, and headed to the kitchen, shucking my light sweater as I went. 

I cracked three eggs into a heated frying pan, whistling happily while I cooked for him. I popped two pieces of toast in the toaster and went back to watch the whites turn opaque and the yolks darken. 

I started when I felt Jacob’s fingers on the back of my neck, playing with the loose hairs that had fallen from my ponytail. I hadn’t heard him get up off the couch, but he was leaning against the counter beside me when I looked up to smile at him.

“Plate, please,” I ordered when the toast popped up from the toaster. I took it from his hands, scooping the fried eggs onto the blue porcelain, and popping the toast on the side. He had a fork in hand by the time I turned to hand him his plate, and dug in quickly, still standing.

“Thanks, Bells,” Jacob said with a mouthful of egg and toast, flashing me a toothy smile.

He polished off the plate quicker than I thought possible while I quickly washed the pan and spatula, leaving them on the rack to dry.

“Better?” I asked him when he placed his empty plate in the sink.

“Yes, much,” he said, pulling me in for a bone-crushing Jacob hug.

I sat on Jacob's bed while he got ready for the day, laying back against his pillow and flicking through some automotive magazine while he showered and brushed his teeth.

I was staring curiously at a bikini-clad woman draped across the hood of a car with a wrench in hand, trying to imagine what repairs she could possibly be doing from that position when Jacob walked into the room with a towel slung low on his hips.

“She got somethin’ I don’t?” Jake asked when he saw me squinting at the magazine page.

“Jacob!” I practically shrieked when I looked up at him, “You’re practically naked!”

“Well, yeah,” he said nonchalantly while I clamped my hand over my closed eyes, “That happens when you shower.”

I could practically hear the cocky little smile in his voice, “I have to change somewhere.”

“Well,” I spluttered uselessly, “you could have brought clothes to the bathroom or something!” I heard the sound of drawers opening and closing, while he laughed at my embarrassment.

There were a few more rustling sounds before Jacob spoke again.

“Alright, alright. It’s safe to look now, you prude.”

I cautiously removed the hand from over my eyes, half expecting him to be stark naked when I looked up, But he had a pair of shorts on, and was pulling a cotton T-Shirt over his head.

“I am  _ not _ a prude,” I said defensively “I just don’t walk around  _ naked _ in front of my  _ friends _ .”

Jake cocked an eyebrow at me over his shoulder while he draped his wet towel over the door to dry.

“Well maybe you should,” He said.

“Fat chance,” I snorted and rolled my eyes. I rose from the bed, and he followed me down the hall to the front door. We slipped on our sneakers, and Jacob grabbed the picnic basket we had packed before his shower.

“You really sure you want to go hiking?” Jacob asked as he closed the front door behind us, not bothering to lock it.

“You said it was more of a  _ walk _ than a  _ hike _ .”

“Well, yeah,” He chuckled, “It is, but you’re  _ you _ , and it is in the woods. Given your sense of balance, it’s likely to be a treacherous expedition…” I stuck my tongue out childishly at him while we slid into the truck. 

I had told Jacob I wanted to go see that cliff we had seen Sam’s gang on. He didn’t want to take the Rabbit down the gravel road leading to the trailhead, so I had agreed to let him drive the truck.

“I have faith you’ll get me through safely,” I retorted sarcastically.

I stashed the picnic basket by my feet while he started up the truck. We drove down the highway a short way, but turned off onto a small side road before we cleared the trees at the edge of the Rez. I bounced comedically in my seat all the way down the bumpy road, but Jake whistled unperturbed. Before long the gravel laneway ended, and Jacob stopped the truck along a thick wall of trees.

We hopped out, and I grabbed the picnic basket, following Jacob to the barely-visible trail in the woods. I was slightly concerned by the darkness within the thick forest.

“It isn’t  _ really _ a  _ hike,  _ is it?” I asked him.

“Naw,” He said as he took my hand in his, “Only about a mile up the hill, you’ll be fine.”

We started along the path, and to my relief, the trail was fairly clear of tripping hazards. I kept my hand in Jake’s though as we made our way up the steady incline. 

After about fifteen minutes of walking, I was even more grateful for his warmth, as it was much colder in the shadow of the trees than it had been in the sun. There was a thin layer of perspiration on the back of my neck, and I shivered when the light breeze cooled my damp skin, pulling Jake’s forearm closer to me.

Within another ten minutes, the ground began to level out, and the trees began to thin, more and more sunlight filtering greenly through the trees.

We followed the sound of the crashing ocean waves until the trail opened up into a mossy clearing at the cliff edge. 

I let go of Jacob’s arm and stepped forward, my sneakers sinking down slightly on the soft bed of moss. The green stretched on for a few meters, interrupted occasionally by the reddish rock beneath, before giving way to the clear blue sky, the grey waves beating the cliff 80 feet below. 

I stayed carefully away from the rock’s edge, but I couldn't help being entranced by the pull of the horizon.

“Pretty, isn’t it?” Jacob’s voice came from behind me, he had laid out the quilt on the ground, and was starting to pull out the sandwiches and sodas.

“Pretty scary,” I said, walking back to our little picnic setup, “I can’t believe those guys jumped off of here.”

“Like I said, they’re show-offs.” Jake handed me a peanut butter sandwich wrapped in tinfoil, and I unwrapped it noisily as I sat cross-legged on the blue blanket.

Although the wind at this height whipped my hair, the sun was absolutely luxurious against my bare arms. We ate in silence, enjoying each other's company and the serenity of our surroundings.

I laid back against the soft quilt after I finished the last few bites of my crust. I could hear birds chirping around us, filling up the warm air with the sounds of spring, and - along with the sound of the water - filling my mind with a joyous, buzzing blankness.

At some point, I felt Jacob shift beside me, and he began to play with my hair again. I peeked up at him through my eyelashes to find him lying on his side, propped up on his elbow. 

He looked positively God-like in the sunshine. Not in the way I used to think Edward was God-like, not a perfect Adonis. Where Edward had been a carved marble statue, frozen and infinite, Jacob was glowing with life, with liveliness.

The light against his skin highlighted the peach-fuzz like an aura against the skin of his face, I could see a small dimple in the skin of his forehead - probably a scar from childhood - and the small red bump of a pimple starting on his chin. 

These small imperfections, the blemishes and trademarks of humanity only added to what made him immeasurably beautiful to me, and that surprised me. I had spent a year worshipping at the feet of my David, feeling small and undeserving beneath his marble hand, put on a pedestal that was far too tall. And I had fallen, only to find the warmth of true friendship and love.

Jacob’s eyes met mine, and, embarrassed that I had been caught staring, I flipped over onto my stomach, turning my face to the trees and closing my eyes again.

I couldn’t say how long we lay there, but eventually, the sun retreated back behind the clouds, leaving the cruel Pacific wind to nip at our bare skin. 

I jumped when Jake placed his warm hand against the small of my back, rousing me from my dozing. 

“Come on Bells,” He said in a near-whisper, “We should start heading back.” I groaned a little as I pulled myself to my knees, and began to help him pack up our things. 

As we walked back through the trees I began to shiver, wishing again that I had brought my sweater. Jacob was strangely silent, and I walked quickly, eager to get out of the woods.

As the trees began to clear, and the truck came into view, Jacob froze in the path.

“Jake?” I asked, worriedly. But before I could ask him what was wrong, he blinked once, and began walking again. His shoulders tensed, and his hand gripping the picnic basket with almost comical force. I jogged slightly to catch up to him.

“Jake, wha-” My voice faltered as I followed him out onto the gravel road, only to see the four large figures in shorts standing around my truck. 

Three of them were standing together near my back tire, looking like they had been in the middle of talking, but stopped as we approached. The fourth was standing directly in front of the passenger side door, his arms crossed over his bare chest. 

I recognized them at once as the men we had seen at these very cliffs a few weeks before, and with a cursory glance, I spotted Embry out of the group of three. I kept close to Jacob as we approached, a little nervous, and unsure of what they wanted with us.

Jacob walked confidently up to the guy in front of the door, stopping a few feet in front of him, and matching his wide stance. 

“Jacob,” The man greeted him in a low voice. He seemed slightly older than the other three, and was bigger too. While Embry and the others matched Jake’s height, their leader had a good few inches on their already large stature. I knew even before Jake spoke that this must be Sam Uley.

“What do you want, Sam,” Jacob growled. I was a little shocked at how angry he seemed, when he had been perfectly relaxed only minutes ago. I began to wonder at just how much these guys had been bothering him. Was this public accosting a regular thing?

“Just making sure everyone’s safe,” Sam said after a beat in a casual tone.

“I didn’t realize going for a walk was so  _ dangerous _ that you would need to check up on us.” Jacob snapped back, sarcastically. From behind him, I could see the basket tremble slightly in his shaking hand. Sam saw this too, and his eyes flashed quickly from Jake’s quivering fist to my startled face, and I froze like a frightened deer. 

“For some people, it is,” Came the man’s calm reply, and before I could begin to wonder what on earth that meant, his eyes released me from their hold, and he walked away from my truck without looking back, the three near-identical boys following him in unison into the woods, a dozen feet away from the trail. Jake and I watched as they disappeared one by one, Embry looked back to meet Jacobs eyes for a moment as he took up the tail, before being swallowed up like the others by the woods.

There was dead silence, and neither of us moved for a moment, before I shook myself out of the shock of the strange encounter.

“Come on Jake,” I said, “Let’s go.” I walked up to his right side, taking his hand in mine, intending to pull him towards the truck. But his hand was clammy with sweat, and so hot I pulled my hand away in shock. It felt like he had been standing too close to a fire for too long, although I was chilled to the bone by our walk. When I looked up at his face, he was pale, and had a thin layer of preparation along his brow.

“Jesus, Jake,” I said, reaching up to feel his forehead with the back of my hand, “Are you okay? You feel like you have a fever,”

He snapped out of his daze, looking down at my worried expression. He cleared his throat before he spoke. 

“I feel a little sick, actually,” he said

“Well, maybe I should drive,”

He nodded absently, fishing my keys out of his front pocket and handing them to me.

I jogged around the front of the truck while he climbed in the passenger seat. I started up the truck quickly, eager to get him home, and drove us down the bumpy gravel road. 

When we turned back onto the highway, I pushed the truck to its 60-Mile-per-hour limit, and looked anxiously over at Jacob. He was staring blankly out the front window, his skin sallow.

I turned off the engine when we reached Jacob’s house, reaching to unbuckle my seat-belt, but Jake’s hand on my wrist stopped me.

“Just go home Bells,” he said to me, “I don’t want you to catch anything.”

“Are you sure?” I asked.

He nodded silently, giving me a weak smile, then opened his door and slid out, taking the picnic basket with him.

I watched him carefully all the way up to the front door. As he walked up the front steps, Billy opened the door, and I let out a sigh of relief to know that his father was home to take care of him.

As the door of the little red house closed behind him, I turned on the truck and headed home.

I shivered, realizing I had left my sweater back at Jacob’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it took so long to write this chapter! You can probably tell, but I've lost the writing bug. I hope the chapter isn't too much of a disappointment. I've realized I'm not super happy with my writing so far in this story, but if nothing else it's a good exercise to improve myself. The next few chapters shouldn't take quite as long, as I have a fair bit of them written already.  
> ALSO! while I was writing the end of this, a song came up on my Spotify Playlist that was so JacobxBella it was silly, so If you're interested you should totally check out Soccer Mommy's cover of "I'm on Fire". If nothing else, you should listen to it because it's gorgeous :)


	9. Repetition

**Repetition**

When I woke up the next day I called Jacob’s house, eager to check up on him after how rough he had looked when I left him the afternoon before. But to my disappointment, nobody picked up. 

I decided it was probably just too early - the digital clock on the stove only read 9:15 after all.

I decided to try and occupy myself for a few hours with housework, and dug the cleaning supplies out from under the kitchen sink.

I had thoroughly scrubbed the kitchen and bathroom, vacuumed, and was about to start mopping the hardwood when the phone rang. I dropped the mop in the bucket, and slid across the bare floors in my socks, picking up the phone with a breathless “Hello?”, but it was only Angela. 

Jessica had roped her into a shopping trip next Friday with her and Lauren, and while I disdained the idea of a trip all the way down to Port Angeles with those two, I couldn’t very well leave Ang to the proverbial wolves, so I reluctantly agreed. We talked for a while about school and her brothers, and by the time I hung up, it was nearly noon. A perfectly reasonable time to call.

I dialed the familiar number for the Black’s house, and tapped my foot impatiently while the phone rang.

Jacob’s voice was nothing more than a hoarse whisper when he answered the phone.

“Oh Jake, you sound awful.”

“Feel awful too,” was his reply. It sounded like he had been gargling thumbtacks. I heard him cough away from the phone a few times.

“Do you know what’s wrong with you?” I asked.

“ _ Everything _ ,” he groaned “Everything hurts.” I hated the obvious sound of pain in his voice. Every part of me desperately wanted to head straight over there to take care of him.

“Awh, Jake, what can I do? I could bring you some soup, some Tylenol?”

“No,” He replied curtly, cutting off my offers, “You can’t come over.” 

“I’ve already been exposed to it, Jake,” I argued. I tried to ignore how much the sound of him telling me he didn’t want me felt like a knife to the gut.

Somewhere in the background, I heard somebody calling Jacob’s name.

“I’ve gotta go, Bells,”

“Jake wai-” I started.

“Don’t come over until I call you, okay?” He pleaded with me.

“All right,” I acquiesced, “I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“No, I’ll call you when I’m better.” The knife twisted deeper.

“Okay… Bye, Jake” I kept the receiver to my ear, not wanting to be the one to hang up.

There was silence for a few moments, and I opened my mouth to say something, to insist on coming over, anything to break the silence, but he spoke before I could.

“Bella,” He whispered, and then the phone line went dead. 

Jacob didn’t call at all the first week, and by the time Friday rolled around, I was frazzled and anxious. 

Luckily for me, Lauren had canceled the shopping trip, claiming to have too much homework. I suspected she just didn’t want to spend the evening with me.

While the feeling was mutual, the blatant rejection of my company stung a little more than it usually would have.

When I got home, I went straight to the answering machine to check for messages, as was now my usual routine. 

The scrolling text reading ‘0 unread messages’ mocked me from the little monitor.

I was incredibly, embarrassingly worried about Jacob. 

But if I was being honest with myself, I was more worried that he was completely fine. 

The minutes ticked by while I stood at the machine, staring unseeingly at the red digital letters, trying not to let myself spiral into a hole of self-doubt.

Surely a week was long enough for a friend to wait before checking in, right?

I picked up the receiver, determined, and dialed Jake’s number.

The phone rang for ages, and the digitized message telling me to leave a message had started when Billy’s voice cut it off.

“Hello?” He sounded tired and harried.

“Hey, Billy, It’s Bella, I was just calling to check on Jacob.”

“Oh, Jake,” as if I would be calling about anything else, “No, Jake's still sick Bella.”

“Okay,” I was selfishly relieved, “Well, is there anything I can do to help?”

“No, No,” Billy’s voice turned from distracted to curt, “No, you shouldn’t come by. He’ll call you when he’s better.”

“Alright, well just let me kn-”

“Goodbye, Bella,” Billy cut me off, hanging up the phone.

“ _ Bye _ ,” I said irately to the dead phone, before placing it back in the cradle.

Tears pricked at the corners of my eyes. Whether they were tears of hurt or simply frustration, I couldn’t tell.

I wiped angrily at my eyes, refusing to let it get to me.

I decided to make enchiladas for dinner that night, a nice involved recipe to keep me distracted - lots of chopping I would have to pay attention to.

I pretended I was crying because of the onions.

I stayed up late that night, not wanting to hole myself up alone in my room, but when Charlie turned off the TV and declared he was going to bed at 10 pm, I was forced to either follow him up the stairs or sit alone in the living room. I closed my bedroom door behind me and faced my dark room. 

I had always been a neat person (save for those few months after Edward left), But for the first and only time in my life, I regretted that fact. The pristinely made bed, the tidy shelves - the whole room looked alien, like a television set missing its actors.

On top of my dresser, The sweater I had forgotten to give back to Jacob was neatly folded. I padded across the wooden floors to it, pressing the soft fabric to my face and inhaling.

Though I had washed it two weeks ago, Jake’s scent lingered beneath the smell of the fabric softener. I stripped down to my underwear, leaving my clothing in a pile on the floor, and pulled the big black hoodie over my head and breathing him in. Jacob smelled of earth, rainstorms, and bonfires.

I dug through one of my desk drawers until I found an old cigarette lighter, and lit the scented candle on my bedside table, then opened the window wide so I wouldn’t fill my room up with smoke.

I crawled into bed, pushing the covers down below my feet, and curling up in Jake’s sweater.

I fell asleep watching the flickering candle flame, and dreamt of forest fires.

By the end of the second week, I had tried to call Jacob five more times. Billy had answered each time, assuring me that he was still sick, and growing more frustrated with each call. By Sunday he had stopped picking up the phone altogether.

My brain flip-flopped between concern and anger, Fighting with the idea that Jake simply didn’t want me around, but having a hard time believing he was bedridden with the Flu for so long.

Charlie watched me cautiously, Keeping an eye out for the return of zombie-Bella.

I became more withdrawn again. Watching the world swirl around me in a meaningless haze. Classes dragged on while days flashed by unaccounted for. I once again became the silent sentinel of the lunch table. 

I tried to make an effort to maintain my relationship with Angela and Mike at the very least, but the most simple conversations seemed suddenly exhausting.

I felt like I was sleepwalking, only to wake up occasionally in a new time and place.

I was vaguely aware of the Dial Tone buzzing in my right ear. I had tried to call Jacob, but it had gone to voicemail. Again. 

I don’t remember leaving a message at the tone, but the static humming told me my time was up, there was nobody on the other side for me.

I heard the faint ‘click’ as I placed the phone back in the cradle.

I sat in my truck with the heat blasting, wrapped in Jacob’s sweater, watching the waves crash against the shore of First Beach. The rain drummed thunderously against the roof of the cab, drowning out my constant stream of whispered affirmations. 

“You have been, and you can be okay with out him,” Carolyn said, as she leaned over to offer me a tissue. I took one from the box and dabbed at the tears silently streaming down my face. 

“Jacob did not fix you,  _ you _ fixed you, and you can do it again. It’s okay to hurt, you lost a friend, but you have to learn to be okay on your own.”

“Bella?”

“Hmm?” I looked up at Angela.

“I said I haven’t heard much about your friend Jacob lately, did something happen?”

We were sitting at the lunch table, where I had been slowly picking apart a ham and cheese sandwich instead of eating it. I don’t know how many times Angela had asked the question before I had finally tuned in, and an embarrassed blush crept up my neck. I sat up and cleared my throat.

“Yeah, I haven’t seen Jake in a while,” I stammered out, “I think… I actually think he’s kind of avoiding me.”

Angela gave me a sympathetic look.

“Did you two fight or something?” She asked.

“No, I- I don’t really know what happened…”

“Have you talked to him about it at all?”

I was about to say that I had been calling his house twice a week to no avail, but it felt a little silly to say out loud, so I just shook my head no.

“Well, If he values your friendship at all, I’m sure he’d be willing to talk to you,” She said confidently, “You should just drive down there and ask him what’s wrong.”

While I knew perfectly well that Angela was just as shy as me, and would never dream of doing such a thing were she in my shoes, I also knew she was right. Nothing would ever get solved unless I just went over there and talked to him.

If he really was sick, I could see him for myself, make sure that Billy was taking proper care of him.

And if he was avoiding me, he could just tell me to my face, and I could stop hanging on to false hope.

I reached out and grabbed Angela’s hand, squeezing it gently. She was such a good friend, and I was so grateful for her patience with me.

“Thanks, Ang,” I smiled at her. She squeezed my hand back.

I ran quickly out of Gym class at the end of the day, hoping to get out of the parking lot without having to face the usual rush of student traffic.

My chat with Angela at lunch had left me with a surge of determination, and I planned to drive directly to La Push from school.

I managed to avoid most of the traffic lineup and made it to the highway in a few short minutes

As my roaring truck hurtled along beside the ocean, I tried to think of what I could possibly say to him, creating mock arguments and conversations in my head.

Before I knew it, I was in Jake’s front yard.

I steeled myself with a deep breath, before turning the key in the ignition. The steady roar of the engine cutting off abruptly, I found the silence accusatory. I very suddenly felt like a trespasser.

I saw the curtain in the front window flicker, and caught a glimpse of Billy peeking out at me from inside, and I was reminded of every curt excuse and ignored phone call he had dealt me over the past few weeks.

My determination renewed, I squared my shoulders and hopped out of the cab. I met Billy’s eyes in the window as I walked confidently up to the front door, and he shrunk back into the house, letting the gauzy curtain fall.

I rapped sharply on the door, and Billy opened the door partway through my third knock. I let my fist drop awkwardly to my side, plastering my face with a tight smile.

“Hi Billy,” I tried to sound pleasant.

“Bella,” was the gravelly reply. Guarded and cautious. I decided to skip the pretense.

“I want to see Jacob.”

“I’m afraid that isn’t possible,” Billy said quickly.

“Is he still sick?” I asked, fully prepared to argue my way through the door. There was no way Jacob was still contagious, and if he was still so unwell he really needed to go see a doctor. Billy faltered in his reply however, confirming my fears.

“No, he’s… not sick.”

“Oh,”

“He isn’t here,” His expression softened a bit, obviously feeling bad for me, “Sorry, Bella.”

“Well…” I struggled to hold onto the determination I had previously had, “I need to talk to him.”

Billy’s cold expression returned, but he didn’t say anything. Obviously this conversation was over, but that didn’t mean I was going to give up.

I turned on my heel and marched back towards the truck, climbing in and slamming the door behind me. Billy was still stock still in the open doorway, so in a very-un-Bella-like flair of dramatics I kicked my feet up onto the dash.

Jacob would have to come home sometime, and I would be here waiting for him when he did.

After Billy went back into the house, I reached across the cab to pull my Trig homework from my bookbag. If I was going to be here for a while I may as well occupy myself.

I had only gotten through four questions and was quietly humming a senseless tune to myself when a sharp tapping on the window made me jump out of my skin.

Jacob was standing on the other side of the truck door, and the sight of him nearly made my heart stop. 

He was naked from the waist up, wearing only a pair of cut-off jeans and runners. All of his beautiful hair had been shorn off into a tidy buzzcut, and I could see some kind of tattoo on his bicep. He seemed somehow taller, and his face was cold and angry. 

The Jacob I knew was nowhere to be seen, and the cruel expression of this stranger taking his place made my stomach sour.

At the edge of the yard about 40 feet behind him were Sam Uley and his gang, looking like exact clones of this imposter Jacob.

He was standing too close for me to open the door, but was obviously waiting to talk to me, so I swallowed the lump in my throat and began the arduous task of rolling down the sticky window. I got it most of the way down before he began to speak.

“What are you doing here Bella,” He asked. Though his voice was curt and cold, it was a relief to know it was still  _ his _ voice. 

“I… came to see if you were alright.” I choked out glancing nervously between Jacob and his four shirtless guardians.

I saw a flicker of softness in his eyes before his stoney expression returned. 

“I’m fine,”

“I can see that,” It was my turn to be cold, and I looked him up and down accusingly. Sick my ass. 

I sighed, tired of being angry and determined. I had come here to see my best friend and all I was doing was fighting with him. 

“Can we talk Jake, please,” I pleaded with him. He turned his head to look at the others in some sort of silent communication, and Sam nodded. The four of them strode in formation towards the little red house, disappearing behind the faded wooden door. Jacob stepped back to allow me out, and I opened the door and slid to the dirt.

Now that I had him here, I didn’t know what to say. My confidence long gone, my eyes stung with tears threatening to spill over. 

“Are you…” I couldn’t think of the right words to use for our situation, “Are you breaking up with me?”

The anger drained from his face and his brows knit together in a pained expression. “Bella…” He reached out for a moment, before he caught himself and he let his arms fall to his sides, his hands fisting in frustration.

“Yes,” he said squeezing his eyes shut, “We can’t be friends anymore.”

His eyes were cold again when he opened them, and the tears I had been holding back began to spill down my cheeks.

“Why?” I asked, my voice cracking. “Is it because of them? Because of Sam?” My voice rose in anger.

“No, they’re… they’re helping me. I’m just not good for you Bella.” His words felt like a slap to the face. It was too close to what Edward had said to me, and though he had no way of knowing that, it felt as though he should.

“I’m not good enough for you,” I whispered, voicing what I was sure he had meant. I shook my head from side to side, trying to banish the tears from my eyes.

Jacob looked like I had stabbed him, his face crumpling.

“Wait, Bella-” he started, but I never let him finish. Turning back to the truck and scrambling into the seat, I turned the key and threw it in reverse, desperate to get away. 

I left Jacob in my rearview mirror, the wind from the open window drying the tears on my face as I turned onto the highway. I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going, driving off instinct. The voice echoing  _ not enough, not enough _ blocking out any rational thought.

The next thing I knew I was idling on a gravel road next to a trailhead. It took me a second to figure out where I was. But as soon as I did, I turned off the truck and pulled the keys out of the ignition, stepping out onto the dusty road and heading straight for the trees.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure why, but I found this chapter incredibly difficult to write... Thank you to everyone who leaves comments and Kudos! Your guys' support and constructive criticism s greatly greatly appreciated <3


	10. The Cliff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This Chapter pulls a lot of lines from the book, so I guess now is a good a time as any to cover my ass and say all characters and rights for the original work go to Stephanie Meyer. Please nobody sue me - I am broke. This falls under the category of transformative fiction legally.
> 
> Anyways LOL, enjoy!

**The Cliff**

It took me twice as long to hike up the hill as it had when I was with Jacob. I tripped constantly over roots and rocks, and I somehow lost the trail twice. 

By the time I made it to the cliff my hands were scraped and my knees were bruised, but my tears had dried. 

I drew a shaky breath and walked slowly towards the edge. 

My feet sunk into the moss just as it had before, the rocks just as red, the ocean just as fierce and far down. Everything was exactly the same as it had been, and yet the cliff lacked the calm beauty it had before, It was nothing but a tableau of the day we had spent there. All the props were in the right spot, but there was no life in it.

I couldn’t even hear any birds...

“ _ Isabella _ ,”

A cold shiver ran up my spine, my shoulders curving forward protectively.

There was no mistaking the velvety smoothness of that voice. I had stopped breathing. My brain reeled, desperately trying to make sense of what was happening.

It was  _ him _ . 

No, not  _ him _ , the voice wasn’t quite right. But it was one of them.

I turned slowly to face whoever -  _ whatever  _ \- was behind me. 

Shockingly white teeth grinned widely against dark skin. Feral.

“Laurent!” I said the name in a whoosh of the breath I had been holding. My lungs burned. I was shocked at how  _ relieved _ I was to see him. Certainly, fear would have been a more rational response.

When I had first met Laurent, he had been a human-hunting nomadic vampire. The third of a coven whose other two members had hunted me across several states.

_ But Laurent hadn’t joined in _ , I assured myself. He had instead gone to Alaska to live with the Denali’s, another Vegetarian Vampire clan. 

This thought calmed my racing heart only slightly. 

“I didn’t expect to see you here,” The vampire said, cocking his head and taking a measured step towards me. I laughed humorlessly. It sounded manic.

“Isn’t it the other way around? I do live here. I thought you’d gone to Alaska.”

Through my fear, I couldn’t help but study his face greedily, taking in every inhumanly perfect detail. It was impossible how exactly the same Laurent looked. I suppose it was very human and silly to expect some kind of change in the last year. But there was something… I couldn’t quite put my finger on it.

“You’re right, I did go to Alaska. Still, I didn't expect... When I found the Cullen place empty, I thought they’d moved on.”

“Oh,” I bit my lip. Of course, he would have gone to Edward’s house to find it empty, the beautiful glass wall boarded up. 

Carlisle had referred to me as part of the family last time he was here, it was reasonable to expect me to have gone with them. I tried to compose myself. Laurent waited with curious eyes.

“Yes, they did move on,” I managed to tell him finally. I looked down at the ground, embarrassed, but looked back up at him as he took another slow step towards me.

“Hmm,” He murmured, “I’m surprised they left you behind. Weren’t you sort of a pet of theirs?” His eyes met mine, innocent of any intended offense. But at that moment I realized why he looked the same -  _ too much _ the same. The Denali’s, like the Cullen’s, all had the same golden eyes. The eyes that all good vampires had, which signified their choice not to drink the blood of humans.

Laurent’s dark, blood-red eyes watched the movement of my throat as I swallowed hard.

His smile widened at the sight, baring his deceivingly straight teeth, and took another step towards me.

He was far too close - perhaps three meters away - and with the cliffside at my back, I had nowhere to run.

“Do they visit often?” he asked. The question was still casual, but I knew the true intent behind it was sinister.

“Yes,” I lied. “All the time.” I tried to sound calm, but my voice shook. I hid my trembling hands behind my back, and took a half-step to the left.

His curious eyes watched the movement, and matched it with another step forward and to my right.

“Strange,” he drawled, “The house smelled as though it had been empty for a while…”

“How are things working out in Denali?” I blurted out, desperate to distract him. “Carlisle had said you were staying with Tanya?”

The question made him pause. “I like Tanya very much,” He mused. “And her sister Irina even more… I’ve never stayed in one place for so long before, and I enjoy the advantages, the novelty of it. But, the restrictions are difficult… I’m surprised any of them can keep it up for so long.” He smiled at me conspiratorially, “Sometimes I cheat.”

I shivered again.

“Did Victoria ever find you?” There was an edge of hysteria in my voice.

I regretted the question as soon as I asked it, Victoria  _ had _ hunted me, along with her partner James… Whom Edward had killed. But he had started walking quite deliberately towards me, done with feigning casualty, and the question  _ did _ stop him.

“Yes,” he said, hesitating on his next step. “I actually came here as a favour to her.” He made a face. “She won’t be happy about this…”

I swallowed dryly. “About what?”

“About me killing you,” He answered in a seductive purr, as he stepped within a few feet of me. “She had planned to do it herself, I was only here to get a lay of the land for her. She felt it was a fair turnaround - mate for mate if you will- But I suppose it won’t be the revenge she had hoped for, seeing as your Edward has left you. So I may as well kill you myself.”

I choked out a sob, squeezing my eyes shut.

I felt a gush of wind, and then his icy fingertips trailing down my cheek.

“Shh, Bella,” He whispered, the sweet smell of his breath washing over me. “No need to cry, you should be thanking me really. Victoria likes to play with her food…” He took a few steps back, crouching low, getting ready to pounce. “I’ll make it fast.”

A breeze blew tendrils of my hair along with my scent towards him. I watched him while fresh tears flowed silently down my face. 

“Mmm, Mouthwatering,” He purred, sniffing at the air.

He sunk deeper into his crouch as I steeled myself for the spring. 

I was going to die. 

I watched through squinted eyes as I tensed, my body curling inwards protectively. I thought of Charlie, I thought of Rennee, I thought of Phil and Angela, Mike and Jess. I thought of Edward and Alice and the rest of the Cullens. I thought of Jacob. 

And I bid my love to them all.

Suddenly, Laurent shot up, whipping his head to the side.

“No,” He whispered, barely audible.

I was too afraid to look away from him. 

I watched terrified and confused, as my killer took one slow step back, and then another. He was no longer facing me, but was staring-wide eyed at the trees to the left of the trail. From the spot where he was looking, the loud  _ snap _ of a breaking twig sounded. I finally looked away from Laurent, scanning the forest for the interruption that had momentarily extended my life.

From the shadow of the trees, a huge black shape stalked towards the vampire. As tall as a horse, but broader, muscular. Its nose was close to the ground as the giant paws disturbed the reddish earth beneath it.

It snarled from between a row of razor-sharp teeth, with a sound like a prolonged crack of thunder rolling across the cliffside.

It had to be the bear. Anyone - seeing such a large animal from a distance - would assume it  _ had _ to be a bear.

Except it wasn’t a bear… My brain struggled to put a name to the beast. It was distinctly canine, and in my panicked state it took a few moments for the word to come to me.

_ Wolf. _

But it seemed utterly impossible that a wolf could get so  _ big. _

I could see Laurent retreating more quickly now, and through the haze of my terror, I felt confusion. The wolf was absolutely terrifying, certainly, But it was just an animal… What reason would a vampire have for fearing an animal?

There was another growl, slightly lower, and I turned back to the wolf only to find there were now  _ three  _ wolves atop the cliff. All impossibly huge, though the two moving to flank the first were slightly smaller than first. Behind them,  _ two more _ mammoth wolves were emerging from the darkness of the woods.

The five monsters quickly arranged themselves into a V facing Laurent, who was now several meters away and to my right. This new arrangement meant that as the wolf pack stalked forward, the Reddish-Brown wolf taking up one tail of the V came close enough for me to touch.

I gave an involuntary gasp, and stepped back - my foot slipping on the crumbling cliff face for a moment, until I regained my balance and looked up - and realized my mistake.

The giant head of the red-brown wolf turned towards me at my sound, staring me down with dark, intelligent eyes. I froze again, fully expecting the wolves to turn on me - the weaker of the available prey. But at another growl from the leader, the russet wolf whipped it’s head back towards Laurent.

Laurent was staring at the pack of monster wolves with unconcealed shock and fear. The first I could understand. But I was stunned when, without warning, he spun and disappeared into the trees to the right of the cliff.

_ He ran away. _

In the blink of an eye, the wolves were bounding across the mossy ground after him, snarling and snapping so loudly I instinctively covered my ears. I watched in awe and terror as the six monsters ran with impossible speed, the sound fading surprisingly quickly.

I couldn’t seem to pull my hands from my ears, however, and I stood stock-still, swaying in shock. Very aware that I was standing at the edge of a cliff, I let myself sway forward until I fell to my hands and elbows in the dirt.

It was impossible. All of it.

No wolf should have ignored a warm-bodied human for Laurent. I couldn’t imagine his icy marble skin smelled anything like food. And no Vampire should have run from a pack of overgrown dogs. Surely it wouldn’t take long for Laurent to tear them to shreds.

It wouldn’t take Laurent long to tear them to shreds.

And then he’d come back for me.

My limbs were shaking, my joints locked in place. I couldn’t figure out how to make myself move.  _ Get up _ I whispered.  _ Get up, get up, get up. _

Finally, I scrambled to my feet, my knees buckling twice beneath me as I pushed myself forward through the fear before I ran stumbling and headlong towards the path.

It seemed to take hours for me to escape the woods, blindly losing the path as I struggled down the hill. When I finally emerged onto the road, I was maybe half a mile from where I had parked the truck.

Exhausted as I was, I jogged up the gravel path on weak legs. I pulled my keys from my pocket with shaky hands, and struggled for a few minutes to get the key into the lock. I realized finally that I had left the truck’s window open, and reached through to pull up the lock from the inside, and pulled myself into the cab.

I was shaking and sobbing. My hair was tangled in sap, my jeans were caked in dirt, and my hands and elbows were bleeding from the many times I had fallen. I shoved down both stiff locks and frantically turned the key in the ignition. The roar of the engine was comforting and sane, it helped me control the tears as I sped as fast as my truck would allow towards the main highway and home.

I had stopped hyperventilating and crying by the time I pulled into the driveway next to Charlie’s cruiser. I hadn’t realized how late it was, and the sky was lit up in a blood-red sunset. 

I ran from the truck to the front door, slamming it behind me and hastily turning the locks.

“Bella?” Charlie called from the kitchen.

“Yeah, It’s me.” My voice sounded high and strange. I cleared my throat.

“Where have you been?” He nearly shouted, rounding the corner to the front entry. He took in the sight of me, Bloodied and muddy, tear-streaks down my face and twigs in my hair.

“What happened?” He asked, all anger gone from his voice as he approached me, concern masking his face.

“I-” I started, unsure of how much I should tell him, “I went to see Jacob.”

“Jacob?” Charlie asked confused. I nodded, fresh tears starting to prick at my eyes as I continued.

“He isn’t sick, he just… Doesn't want to see me. So I went to the woods, for a walk. And… I saw the Bear.” Charlie’s expression shifted quickly from confusion to annoyance to horror. “Only, It isn’t a bear. It’s some kind of wolf - five of them - And they’re huge, they're so big Dad. Impossibly-”

He strode over to me and grabbed the tops of my arms.

“Are you okay?” He asked, looking me once over again, scanning for any serious damage.

I nodded weakly.

“Did they attack you?”

I shook my head. “They didn’t pay any attention to me, they were after… something else. But after they left I ran away and fell down a lot.”

He took his hands off my shoulders and pulled me to his chest for a hug.

I hadn’t hugged my Charlie since I was a little girl, but I wrapped my hands around his middle and pressed my face into his chest. He smelled like Pine and After-Shave. It was comforting.

“Wolves,” he said, after a moment of silence. “Hmph”.

“As big as horses,” I added.

“How many did you say you saw?”

“Five.”

He shook his head, then let me go, Steadying me before going to the living room to call the station.

“Are you hungry?” He asked after he finished making the report. I shook my head, though I must have been starving.

“Just tired,” I told him, and turned for the stairs.

“Hey, Bells?” He said. I stopped with one foot on the stairs.

“Yeah?”

“Stay out of the woods. Okay?”

“Okay,” I promised.

“And…. I’m sorry. About Jake.”

I nodded, and gave him a watery smile.

I made my way up the stairs, and collapsed fully clothed on my bed. Curling up into a tight ball with Jacob's sweater pressed to my face.

I fell asleep shaking with silent sobs.


	11. Wolves

**Wolves**

Despite my exhaustion, I barely slept that night. After I finished crying, I managed to doze restlessly for a few nightmare-filled hours before I started awake at the sound of Charlie’s bedroom door closing. The hours between then and dawn were spent in a constant panic, jumping at every sound, waiting for Laurent to find me. 

I knew Vampires. I knew their strength and speed. And I knew that no wolves - no matter how monstrously huge - could take down the marble-skinned killing machine that was Laurent.

But with each passing day that Laurent  _ didn’t _ show up to kill me, I became more convinced of a far more frightening prospect: That it was Victoria who would come to finish me off.

Laurent at least had promised to kill me quickly, I had done him no wrong. If I was lucky, he might even leave Charlie alone once he was done with me.

Bloodthirsty, Vengeful Victoria, however, would surely torture me for who knows how long before she did me the mercy of ending my life. I had gotten a taste of what she would deal to me from her mate James - and he had only done it for the fun of it.

For days I spent every waking hour drowning in anxiety. I avoided my friends, hoping to keep them safe. Luckily, Charlie was at the Station more than ever - organizing hunts for the now-dead monster-wolves.

When I slept (if I slept) I had nightmares - or rather  _ one _ nightmare. Replaying over and over in my brain. 

I was running through the forest, usually naked. Tripping constantly. Running from something… or maybe  _ to _ something… I would be calling out. But every time I fell, more pebbles and pine needles would get embedded in my bare skin, until I was so covered in debris I couldn’t move anymore.

I usually woke up then.

And through all of it - All the fear and the nightmares, the paranoia, and hysteria - Under all of that was the sadness. The aching, heart-wrenching knowledge that Jacob did not want me. That the light and joy I had built my new life around had left me, just as my old one had.

My room grew messier and messier - It was almost embarrassing - But the mess helped me feel like I was a person instead of a ghost. My constant medicine was Jacob’s sweater and my lit candle, filling my senses with the smell of Pine and Smoke, and something sweet like Caramel.

By Friday, I was starting to fall asleep in class. I drove cautiously home from school that night, keeping the truck well below the speed limit for fear that I would cause an accident in my sleep-deprived state.

I got home to a message on the answering machine from Charlie saying that he wouldn’t be home for dinner, so I went straight up to my bedroom. I kicked off my jeans as I shut the door, tugging my shirt off and pulling the familiar black void of Jacob’s sweater over my head.

I used the cigarette lighter to light the three blackened wicks in the candle and curled up in the nest of my bedsheets, letting myself slip into sweet unconsciousness.

I was running through the woods, naked. Tripping over rocks and roots. I was searching, calling out a name.

_ Tap _

I fell again, scraping up my palms on the forest floor.

_ Tap _

Desperately searching, I knew I had to find him. He would keep me safe. I called out his name again.

_ Tap Tap _

I shot up in bed, my heart pounding. I looked around my dark room, trying to find the source of the noise that had woke me.

_ Tap Tap _

I relaxed when I recognized the sound of a tree scraping up against my window, and turned on my bedside lamp. My alarm clock read 2:34, and the candle had burned itself out - all the wax liquidy and clear.

But my heart seized in my chest when I turned back to the window to see a figure balanced on the branch looking in.

Victoria was here.

She was here to kill me.

My heartbeat like a bass drum in my chest, drowning out the sound of my increasing hyperventilating.

I squeezed my eyes shut and prayed to a God I didn’t believe in that she would leave Charlie be.

“ _ Bella _ !”

My breathing stopped then, confusion and fear warring over my senses.

“ _ Bella _ !” The voice called again, followed by an “Ouch!” and a string of curses.

“Jacob?” I whispered back, finally snapping out of it. I threw back the covers and walked around to the end of the bed, squinting at his shadowy figure. “What are you  _ doing _ ?”

“I had to -  _ ow! _ \- talk to you,” Jacob whispered back. “Can you open the window wider?”

I automatically complied, pushing the squeaky frame up as far as it would go, and stepped back.

“Jacob, get out of the tree, I’ll just go let you in the front d-” I stifled a shriek of fear as Jake launched himself at the side of the house, Grabbing onto the top lip of the window frame and swinging himself like a gymnast through the opening.

He stood there topless in my bedroom - looking a little too proud of himself for a few beats before he took in my appearance. I was suddenly acutely aware that not only was I not wearing pants, but I was also wearing  _ his _ clothing. I blushed red in embarrassment and anger, but his face softened from pride to regret… and something else…

“What do you want?” I snapped, crossing my arms over my chest.

“Bella,” He started, walking towards me with his arms outstretched. I stepped to the side, blatantly rejecting his attempt to hold me. Jake sighed and moved to sit on the end of my bed instead.

“Jesus, Bella… I’m so sorry,” He said, hanging his head.

Tears pricked freshly at the corners of my eyes. I had spent the past week heartbroken over him. I had leaned on him and he had let me fall. I had barely glued all my pieces back together and he had gone right ahead and let me break apart all over again. And now he thought he could just climb through my window ( _ Just like Edward used to do _ ) and fix it all?

“I don’t accept,” I hissed around the lump in my throat, the tears spilling down my cheeks. Suddenly, All the pain, the fear, the sleepless nights and the heartbreak came crashing down on me. It was too much, all of it. I swayed unsteadily as my eyelids and arms drooped, before I let myself crumple to the floor, and began to cry in earnest.

Jacob jumped up as I hit the floor, muttering curses. I let him scoop me up off the floor, too tired to object. He carried me back to the bed, setting me in his lap and cradling me like a baby.

“Bella, look at me,” he whispered, tucking my hair behind my ear. I hiccoughed, trying to control my silent sobs.

“Bella, I didn’t mean what I said. I’m sorry.” He ran his thumb across my cheek, wiping away the still-flowing tears.

“I don’t want your apologies, Jacob.” I choked, staring at his chest so I didn’t have to look in his eyes.

“I know, I know,” He said. “It’s not that I don’t want to see you, It’s that I can’t.”

“I don’t understand,” I whined, aware that I sounded like a child.

“I know, Bella. I wish I could explain, I just…. Can’t.”

I yanked myself up, trying to disentangle myself from him and nearly falling to the floor as I did so.

“Haven’t you ever had a secret?” He asked as I stood, ready to kick him out, “One that wasn’t yours to tell? Something you couldn’t even tell me?”

He stared right at me as if he knew exactly who I was thinking of, though there was no way he could…

“Can’t you understand, how I might be in the same sort of situation?” He asked.

I  _ could _ understand that. I could understand having a secret that wasn’t yours, but that you were bound to protect. Though I seriously doubted that his situation was anything as grave as my  _ boyfriend  _ being a  _ Vampire _ .

Jacob got up and started to pace, his hands in his hair.

“God! This is so  _ frustrating _ !” He groaned, “And the  _ worst _ part is you already  _ know _ !”

“What?” 

He stopped pacing suddenly, whipping around to face me and grabbing my arms, his face too close to mine.

“ _ You already know _ , Bella! I told you already, you just have to remember!”

“Remember what, Jake?” I asked, trying to keep up through the haze of my exhaustion.

“Remember the first day we met? On the beach?” I nodded, and he continued excitedly. “Remember the stories I told you, The legends…”

I nodded again, and he moved his hands from my arms to my face, cupping each cheek in his warm palms. His eyes were blazing while he held my face inches from his.

“You told me about… the Cold Ones...” I whispered. His face fell only slightly.

“And? Do you remember any of the other stories?” His brow creased with intensity.

“I… No I don’t…” He released my face and went back to his pacing.

“Come  _ on _ , Bella, you  _ know _ this.” He muttered angrily “Just try and remember, just  _ try _ ”

“Jake… I can’t. Please, I’m so tired.” I pleaded with him, “Maybe in the morning…”

“Yes.” He cut me off, talking more to himself than me. He rubbed his face with his hands. He looked almost as tired as me. “Maybe in the morning you’ll remember.” He slowed his pacing and turned to face me. “Just  _ try _ . Please.”

I nodded sleepily, “I’ll try, Jake.”

He looked me up and down again, that same emotion clouding his features as before. It warmed his face, making him look more like the old Jacob. My old Jacob.

He stepped forward to hug me again, and this time I let him. Wrapping my arms around his middle and pressing my face to his warm chest. I felt him breathe in. Almost as if he was trying to savour the smell of me as much as I was him.

He let go of me suddenly, walking backwards towards the window without breaking eye contact. “ _ Try _ , Bella.” He said one last time before he climbed out my window and disappeared.

I stood there for a while, blinking at the darkness beyond my window, before turning and crawling up the length of the bed, curling up on the pillows and falling asleep, the bedside lamp still on.

_ I was sitting on the familiar bleached piece of driftwood on First Beach, looking out at the ocean, Jacob’s hand warm in mine. Above me, the sky was a crystalline blue, perfectly clear, the sun hot against my bare legs. _

_ I turned to Jacob, but his usual seat on the log was empty, and in my hand was one of the twisted roots of the driftwood tree, warmed from the sun, nearly burning my hand. I jumped from the log as I realized it was on fire. I turned in place, unsure of what to do.  _

_ Above me, dark purple clouds were encroaching on the sun, darkening the beach to night-like blackness, a wave of rain moving like a tsunami over the water towards me. Fierce winds whipped my hair around my face, freezing my skin. My face felt wet, and when I reached up, I felt tears freezing on my cheeks. _

_ Desperate to escape the rapidly approaching storm, I turned and ran to the woods, calling out for Jacob. _

_ I knew he had to be somewhere near, he had to be. I knew that if I could just find him he would protect me. _

_ I tripped often while I ran, my feet catching on tree roots and rocks and air, and each time I fell stones and pine needles embedded into my skin, scraping up the skin of my knees, my hands, my hips - I looked down and realized I was naked. _

_ Undeterred, I kept running, calling out Jacob’s name, until my legs were filled with too much debris, and I fell one last time to the dirt floor, bleeding and dirty. I turned on my back so I could see the sky. _

_ From the trees to the left of my head, I heard a rustling. Turning, I saw a pack of wolves sitting placidly a dozen feet away, their eyes boring into mine as they waited for me to die. _

_ From the back of the pack, one wolf walked slowly past his brothers towards me. He stood above me, sniffing at my skin. He was big as a horse, and russet brown. I close my eyes. I figured being eaten by a wolf would be faster than freezing to death… _

_ I opened my eyes again, my head turned to the side, but the wolves were gone.  _

_ I looked up, and the russet wolf was replaced by Jacob, just as naked as I was, kneeling with his hands on either side of my head.  _

_ The rain caught up to me, cold and violent, but the water rolled off of Jake’s back. Not a drop touched me, and the warmth from his body protected me from the wind. _

_ “Remember, Bella,” Wolf-Jacob said, “Try and Remember.” _

I started awake to the morning light the sound of birds coming through my open window.

Memories of the day on LaPush beach flooded back to me. The stories Jake told - not just the ones about the Cullens - Came back in a rush, and I knew.


	12. Reunion

**Reunion**

_ “Do You know any of our old stories, about where we came from - the Quileutes, I mean?” _ Jacob had asked me on the day we first met. He had been young and naive then, and I had taken advantage by flirting.

_ “Well, there are lots of legends, some of them claiming to date back to the Flood - supposedly, the ancient Quileutes tied their canoes to the tops of the tallest trees on the mountains to survive like Noah and the ark.” _

I had been trying to get information out of him - information about the Cullens.

_ “Another legend claims we descended from wolves - and that the wolves are our brothers still. It’s against tribal law to kill them.” _

He had told me stories about the “Cold Ones” - the name the Quileutes used for Vampires.

_ “There are stories about the cold ones as old as the wolf legends, and some much more recent. According to the legend, my own great-grandfather knew some of them. He was the one who made the treaty that kept them off our land… He was a tribal elder, like my father. You see, the cold ones are the natural enemies of the wolf - well, not the wolf, really, but the wolves that turn into men, like our ancestors. You would call them werewolves,” _

_ “Werewolves have enemies?” _ I had asked.

_ “Only one.” _

I knocked quickly on the Black’s front door, anxiously shifting from foot to foot while I waited for Billy to answer. But when the door swung inwards, I was shocked to see a cautious looking Jacob instead. His short hair was messy from sleep, and there were circles under his eyes, but he looked alert beneath his creased brow. I couldn’t help but smile up at him, anxious to have him back, despite my trepidations.

“Wolves,” I said simply.

A bright, golden smile broke out across his face, like a sunrise against the sharp, unfamiliar lines of his face, pulling my old Jacob out where the sun touched the new Jacob’s shadows. He swept me at once into his arms, spinning me off my feet on the tiny front porch, his face buried in the crook of my neck.

“I missed you, Jake,” I mumbled against his shoulder.

“I missed you too, Bells,” He said as he set me gingerly on my feet, catching my face between his big, warm hands, “More than you know.”

Jacob and I went to LaPush to talk, which felt incredibly apt. We sat on our gnarled piece of driftwood holding hands.

Jacob’s skin was feverishly hot, it felt like I was sticking my hand In a furnace. It reminded me of my dream. I knew it was silly, but I kept an eye on the constant movement of Jacob’s thumb over my knuckles, in case he disappeared. It had only been a dream, but there was something from it that was bothering me...

I recalled how, when I had been lying on the forest floor, I had been so sure that the pack of wolves would kill me - that  _ Jacob _ would kill me.

“Jake,” I started cautiously, keeping my eyes on our joined hands

“Hmm?”

“What’s happening? With the missing hikers, I mean…” I chanced a look at his face. He was leaning his head back against one of the roots, his eyes closed and his brow creased. The circles under his eyes looked even more severe in the sunlight. He sighed and cleared his throat.

“We’re trying our best, but, I’m sure there's going to be a few more deaths…”

Bile rose in my throat. That confirmed it then - If Jacob was a wolf, and the wolves were killing people, then that meant Jacob was a killer.

I pulled my hand from his and stood up, wrapping my arms around my middle. I felt like I was going to be sick.

“I can’t believe it,” I said, staring at his feet. “Those are innocent people Jake!” I looked up in time to see him roll his eyes.

“What more can we do?” he asked irritably.

Suddenly, I was furious. How could he be so blase about this?

“Gee Jake, I don’t know. You could try  _ not being a monster, _ ” I hissed.

His face shut down in anger, his chocolate eyes suddenly narrowed and cold. He barked out a humourless laugh and I jumped back in fear. 

“You have got to be  _ fucking _ kidding me, Bella.” I winced at his language - Jacob never swore in front of me. “You’re  _ such _ a  _ hypocrite _ !”

“ _ What? _ ” I shrieked.

Jacob was visibly shaking in anger, his fists clenched in his lap.

“I should have known you would be like this,” He snarled, his lip curled back over his teeth. “I guess I’ll just never be as good as one of your  _ precious Bloodsuckers _ .”

He might as well have slapped me.

“What the  _ hell  _ is that supposed to mean?”

“You know exactly what it means.” The entire log was vibrating, Jake was shaking so hard. “If it weren’t for those  _ leeches _ the Cullens, we wouldn’t even be in this mess.” He spat out their name like it was a dirty word.

“Jesus Jake, you can’t possibly blame them for you  _ killing _ people.”

“It isn’t  _ people _ we’re killing!”

That stopped me short, my eyebrows knit together in confusion. 

“What?”

“I said they  _ aren’t people _ , Bella - despite what you might believe. Just because you love them so much doesn’t mean the Vamps aren’t monsters.”

“What are you talking about?” I half-whispered. Jacob looked just as confused at my question as I felt.

“Vampires. What are you talking about?” He had stopped trembling.

“But… the Cullens are gone.” I stated stupidly. Jake snorted.

“Yeah, but the other ones aren’t.”

It hit me like a brick. The missing hikers, the blood. Jacob had told me the werewolves only had one enemy, the thing they protected us human’s from. The wolves weren’t the ones killing people, it was…

“Laurent.” 

“Who?” Jake asked. My head was spinning a mile a minute, I felt like I had mental whiplash.

“You know, the vampire on the cliff,” I said, “You saw him.. You were there.” The words came out sounding slightly awed.

“Oh, the black-haired leech?” I nodded

“He’s the one killing the hikers?”

Jacob’s head cocked to the side as the last of the anger drained from his face.

“Well he was, but… wait, did you think  _ we _ were killing the hikers?” He asked. I nodded again, slightly ashamed.

A brilliant smile broke out across Jake’s face, the tension drained from his shoulders and he scooped me up in a bear-hug.

“Wait - Jake Wait!” I smacked at his chest, and he set me on the ground, but kept his arms around my waist. “What do you mean ’was’? What happened to Laurent?”

“We killed him,” he said, shrugging his shoulders.

“You  _ killed _ him? How?” I asked, incredulous

“Well the usual way,” he said. “They stop moving pretty quick once you rip their heads off… He wasn’t a friend of yours was he?”

I was confused and horrified. My head was reeling, I needed to sit down. I stepped out of Jacob's arms and collapsed on the driftwood.

“My friend? No Jake, no…” I started babbling, “I’m so…  _ relieved _ . I’ve been waiting, just waiting for him to find me and finish me off. I’ve been so scared, just hoping that he would stop with me and leave Charlie alone…”

“Shh,” Jacob soothed me, sitting down next to me and putting my head to his chest, petting my hair. “You don’t have to be afraid anymore, Bells. We’re protecting you. We’re going to take care of this.”

At the use of the present tense again, I realized something very, very, obvious. Something I should have grasped at once.

“Laurent is dead,” I gasped, shooting up in Jacob's arms.

“Bella?” Jake asked anxiously, pushing the hair out of my ashen face.

“If Laurent died… a week ago… then someone  _ else _ is killing people  _ now. _ ”

Jacob nodded solemnly. “There were two of them. His mate - she just keeps running away from us, and then coming back. We figured she would want to fight us - in our stories, they usually get pretty pissed off if you kill their mate - But it’s like she’s trying to get  _ through _ us. We just can’t figure out why. It’d be a whole lot easier to kill her if we could just figure out what she wanted… Bella?”

I had leaned away from him, over the log. I was dry-heaving, my empty stomach contracting with horrified nausea.

Victoria.

Victoria was here, killing strangers in the woods.

Jacob caught me by the shoulders as I began to faint.

“Bella? Bella! What is it? What’s wrong.” Jacob picked me up again, draping me awkwardly over his lap, trying to keep my head propped up on his shoulder.

“Me,” I said faintly into his shirt. “She’s after me.”

“The red-head?” He asked. I nodded.

“Laurent wasn’t her mate, just an old friend.”

He turned my face towards him with both hands “How do you know? This is important, Bella. Why is she after you?”

“James was her mate,” I continued, “And Edward killed him.” I clamp my hand reflexively over the crescent-shaped scar on my wrist. “She did get… pissed off. Laurent said she thought it was fairer to kill me that Edward… mate for mate.” 

With my head so close to his throat, I could easily hear Jacob swallow heavily at the mention of Edward.

“Is that what happened?” He asked, his expression torn between several different emotions. “Is that why the Cullens left?”

I shook my head, dislodging his hands from my cheeks.

“No… I don’t know. I guess he just didn’t love me anymore.”

I saw his jaw clench while he thought for a while, then his serious expression returned, and he nodded once.

“This is important,” he said again, “This is exactly what we needed to know. We have to tell the others right away.”

He picked me up and sat me on my feet, holding me by the waist until he was sure I was steady, before trading my hip for my hand. I struggled to keep up with his long strides as we headed down the beach toward my truck.

My mind was reeling, everything was happening so fast, finding out about Jacob, thinking he was a killer, learning Laurent was dead… and now Victoria.

The fact that she was actually here was scary enough, that she was hunting me down, had gotten who knows how close to killing me, and Charlie - but to know how much closer she had gotten to Jacob was even scarier. The memory of her cat-like form danced behind my eyelids, lips drawn over razor-sharp teeth,

Jacob pulled open the passenger door and started to push me in, and I snapped back to the present.

“Are you going to call them when we get to your house?” I asked, trying to think of how I would explain my state to Billy, curious about how much he knew. Jacob paused with his hand on the door, his head tilted in thought.

“Wait here a second,” He said

“Jake, wai-” I started, the thought of being left alone sending my heart into a frenzied little tap-dance of panic.

“I’ll be right back,” He promised as he shut the door in my frightened face, loping across the parking lot to the woods on our right.

I gulped as his form disappeared in the trees. Quickly, I forced my shaking hands to mash down the locks.

I tried to steady my breathing as I stared at the spot where Jake had disappeared, barely even blinking until he came back into sight, jogging nonchalantly towards me. He tried the drivers-side door twice before I remembered to unlock it for him.

He gave me a funny look as he climbed into the cab and I handed him the keys.

“You’re really worried about this, huh?”

I nodded while he started the engine, not quite relaxing in my seat.

He reached over and tucked my hair behind my ear again.

“You don’t have to worry Bells, we’re protecting you.” He began to pull the truck out of the parking lot before he spoke again.

“I just spoke to the others, we’re going to meet at the trail to the cliff.”

I was pulled out of my pit of anxiety long enough to be confused by this.

“You  _ just _ spoke to them? Like just now? How?”

He looked sideways at me and cleared his throat.

“It’s… kind of strange… I don’t want to freak you out or anything.” Jacob looked at me sideways, but continued when I didn’t say anything. “Well, the pack and I can kind of… hear each other's thoughts,” he paused again to gauge my reaction. “When we’re in wolf form, I mean.”

I nodded my understanding, sitting back to put on my seatbelt.

“So you just turned into a wolf?” I asked.

He turned to me with creased brow “Yes, I- You know, you’re taking this awfully well, I thought for sure that weird you out.” 

I shrugged nonchalantly. “You aren’t the first mind-reader I’ve met,” I said, staring out the front windshield.

“Really?” He asked, surprised. “The Cullens could read minds?”

“Just Edward,” I clarified.

“Huh, I didn’t realize… I mean there are legends about Vampires who can do extra stuff, but I always thought they were just stories. I didn’t realize they were real.” He sounded rather unhappy about this.

“Is anything just a legend anymore? I muttered, as we bounced down the gravel side-road. Jake tossed me an apologetic glance.

“Anyways,” He continued. “I kept it brief. Sam ordered me not to tell you about us… He won’t be happy.” 

That made me nervous.

“Are they going to be angry that I’m with you?” I asked, concerned.

Jacob pulled a face. “Probably.”

As we approached the trail-head to the cliff, Sam and his gang came into view, standing in formation in the middle of the road.  _ The Pack _ , my brain intoned. The Pack minus one.

I had gotten so used to thinking of them as the hulking beasts I had met on the cliff, it shocked me a little to see them once again in their human form. Four pairs of matching brown eyes watched me curiously, and (I gulped) angrily, from beneath their matching haircuts.

My heart rate began to climb as Jacob pulled the truck to a stop and shut off the engine. I shakily undid my seatbelt while the boys stared at me through the windshield. Jake, faster than I was, got out of the cab and walked around to my side, opening the door for me, and taking my hand as I stepped out.

“Jacob,” Sam’s thunderous voice greeted us as we approached. “What have you done?” He was staring at me with his arms folded across his chest. Embry was two to Sam’s left. He looked slightly worried, but smiled at me when I met his eyes. 

Between the two of them, a man - the shortest and stockiest of the group - barrelled through his pack-mates, shaking in anger. I cowered into Jacob’s side as we stopped a few yards away.

“We had an  _ order _ , Black,” The angry man spit at Jake “Why can’t you just follow the rules! What the hell is wrong with you?”

I shrunk further into Jacob’s side..

“She can help,” He said quietly.

“Help!” The man exclaimed, laughing humorously. “Yeah, I’m sure the little leech-lover is just _dying_ to help us out!”

“Paul,” Sam called out admonishingly, while the man paced, his shaking becoming more pronounced.

The man continued, seemingly ignorant to his leader’s warning.

“Is she more important than everything - than the whole tribe? Than the people getting killed?” A violent shudder rippled through the man, and Sam spoke up again, louder this time.

“Paul! Calm down.” He commanded.

Paul shook his head back and forth, not in defiance, but as though he were trying to concentrate.

“Jeez, Paul,” The fourth boy - Jared - muttered. “Get it together.”

Paul’s eyes snapped open at that, his rage re-kindled.

“You just couldn’t keep it in your pants, could you?” He snarled at Jacob, though he was glaring at me. “You just had to go crawling back to her like the  _ bitch _ you are!”

A Feral growl ripped through Jacob’s chest, as he stepped forward, squaring up in front of me to block me from Paul’s deathly glare.

Apparently, that was simply too much for Paul.

Another shaking convulsion tore through his body, a frightening wave of contorting muscles beneath the copper-brown of his smooth skin. He threw his head back with a snarl, and he seemed to fall forward. In the blink of an eye, a shock of silver fur exploded from where the enraged boy had stood with a sickening ripping sound.

Sam, Jared, and Embry stood back as the mass of fur twisted and grew into the shape of a wolf, five times the size of the man it had engulfed.

In the same instant that Paul disappeared, Jacob was running across the road straight for the monster.

“Jake!” I screamed in terror, as he leapt forward into the air, a long tremor shivering down his spine as his lithe body transformed into the giant red-brown wolf of my dream with the same ripping sound. He landed on four paws, charging at the silver wolf as it crouched and snarled, dark eyes fixed on me. Jacob barrelled into Paul’s body with a crack like thunder, as the scraps of the clothes he had been wearing fluttered to the ground near my feet.

I strangled, frightened noise choked out of my throat, as I staggered forward. 

“Stay where you are, Bella,” Sam bellowed over the roar of the fighting wolves. They were snapping and tearing at each other, their razor-sharp teeth flashing towards each other's throats. 

The Jacob-wolf was bigger than the grey one, and rammed it’s giant shoulders into Paul over and over again, pushing him back towards the trees while he dodged the gnashing teeth.

“Take her to Emily's,” I heard Sam say to the others, as he toed off his shoes and jogged after the retreating form of the fighting wolves. The sound of growling and biting faded slowly until it cut off altogether, and I was left in terrified silence with Jared and Embry.

They were watching my face with matching amused expressions. I stood stock-still with my mouth agape, my eyes wide and unblinking at the place where Jacob had been.

I heard one of them snicker, and I snapped my jaw shut to watch them, the reverie broken. 

“Well, there’s something you don’t see every day,” Embry said as he and Jared split off to collect the scraps of clothing strewn across the road.

“I do,” Jared grumbled in response. “Every single day.”

“Come on, Paul doesn’t lose his temper  _ every _ day,” Embry laughed. “More like every two out of three.”

Their voices faded into a distant buzz as they discussed shredded sneakers and shorts. The blood was rushing in my ears as the shock began to hit me, and I sank to the ground, pulling my knees to my chest as I stared blindly at their approaching feet.

“Bella?” I heard Embry say as they stood in front of me, Sam’s shoes in Jared’s left hand and a ball of torn fabric in Embry’s right. “You okay? You don’t look so good.”

“You’re not gonna throw up or anything, are you?” Jared asked.

I shook my head, breathing deeply and blinking until the fuzzy blackness retreated from the edges of my vision. “No,” I answered weakly, looking up eventually at their worried faces.

“Jake should have warned us,” Embry complained to Jared. “He shouldn’t have brought his girlfriend into this. What did he expect?”

“Well, the wolf’s out of the bag now,” Jared said, and Embry sighed.

“Way to go, Jake.”

I glared at the two boys talking as if I wasn’t there, shocked that they seemed to be taking this all so lightly.

“Aren’t you worried about them at all?” I demanded.

Jared laughed at me. “Worried? Hell no! I  _ hope _ Paul gets a mouthful of him, teach him a lesson.”

“Are you kidding?” Embry disagreed. “Did you  _ see  _ Jake? Even Sam can’t phase on the fly like that. He saw Paul losing it, and it took him, what, half a second to attack? The boy’s a natural!”

“Paul’s been fighting longer. I’ll bet you ten bucks he leaves a mark.”

“You’re on!” 

They shook on it, grinning, then suddenly seemed to remember me.

“We should get her to Emily’s,” Jared said.

“You mind if we drive?” Embry asked looking down at me. “You still look a little pale.”

I shook my head. “Go for it.” 

Jared nodded and jogged towards the truck. “Where are the keys?” he asked.

“Ignition.”

Jared hopped in the driver's side and started the engine. Embry held out a hand to help me up, then walked over and held the passenger side door for me. I stumbled on my feet a little bit, making sure I was steady before following the boys to my truck. I slid in beside Jared, and Embry got in after me, closing the door and trapping me in a toasty warm werewolf sandwich. I was glad I wasn’t claustrophobic. My heart rate began to return to normal as the truck rumbled to life beneath us.

“Hey, how  _ did _ Jacob get around the injunction anyway?” Jared asked as he drove us back towards the village.

I shrugged. “I just guessed right.”

Embry pursed his lips, looking impressed. “That’d do the trick.”

“Where are we going?” I asked.

“Sam’s Fiancee’s house,” Embry explained. “Jake and them will meet us back there after Sam finishes chewing them out. And after Paul and Jake find new clothes.”

“If Paul even has any left,” Jared snorted

“Does Emily know about…?”

“Yeah. And hey… Don’t stare, okay? It bugs Sam.”

I frowned at him. “Why would I stare?”

Embry looked slightly uncomfortable as he examined my expression. “Hanging around Werewolves has its risks.” He said simply, before Jared changed the subject.

“Hey, are you okay about the whole thing with the black-haired leech on the cliff? He wasn’t a friend of yours or anything, was he?

“No, he wasn’t a friend.”

“That’s good,” Jared said cheerily. “It didn’t look like he was, but we didn’t want to start anything. Break the treaty or whatever.”

“Jake told me about the treaty once, a long time ago.” I said, remembering the first day we met again. “Why would killing Laurent break the treaty?”

“ _ Laurent _ ” Jared repeated, rolling his eyes. He seemed to find it amusing that the Vampire had a name.

“We were technically on Cullen turf,” Embry explained. “We can’t attack the leeches - the Cullen’s at least - off of our land. Not unless they break the treaty first.”

“We weren’t sure if this  _ Laurent _ was a second cousin or something. Anyways, Jake wasn’t too keen on waiting for him to break the treaty first,” Jared intoned.

“How would they break the treaty?” I asked.

They looked at each other and then back at me.

“If they bite a human,” Jared said.

“Oh… well, thanks. For not waiting.”

“Our pleasure.”

We drove past the last houses off the highway, and Jared turned down a hidden dirt lane.

“Your truck is slow,” He noted.

“Sorry.”

Through a clearing in the trees was a tiny wooden cottage nestled beside an oak tree. The narrow window beside the weathered blue door was open, and beneath it was a window box overflowing with yellow and orange marigolds.

Jared pulled the truck to a stop, and the boys hopped out.

“Mmm, Em’s been baking,” Embry sniffed at the air appreciatively while he shut the door behind me.

The boys climbed the one step and entered the house without knocking. I followed timidly behind them.

The front entrance opened directly to a kitchen, a large round table taking up the majority of the floor space. Standing at the counter by the sink was a woman with satiny copper skin, and shiny, straight black hair flowing down to her waist. She was popping decadent-smelling blueberry muffins out of a tin and arranging them neatly on a plate. 

At first, I thought the reason the boys had told me not to stare was that she was so beautiful - I truly was entranced. But then she turned to face us fully with the blue china plate in her hands. 

Though the left side of her face was smiling warmly, the right was marred by three thick, red scars. Starting from her hairline, they passed over the corner of her almond-shaped eye and full mouth, twisting her features into a permanent grimace, before disappearing beneath the hem of her sweater.

Upon seeing me, her smile was replaced with a look of surprise.

“Oh,” She said. “Who’s this?”

I tried to focus on the left side of her face, and smiled shyly.

“Bella Swan,” Embry shrugged. “Who else?” Obviously I had been a topic of discussion.

“Leave it to Jacob to find a way around an order,” She muttered.

Emily appraised me over her plate of baked goods.

“So you’re the vampire girl.”

I shifted uncomfortably.

“Yes… And you’re the wolf girl.”

Her face warmed with a smile once more.

“I guess I am,” She set the plate of muffins on the table, and the boys descended upon it like a pack of hungry… Well, like a pack of hungry wolves.

“Hungry?” Emily asked me, turning back to the kitchen. “Help yourself to the muffins, Bella.” 

I selected one from the pile, thanking her, and returned to my spot against the wall, picking at it timidly.

“Where’s Sam?” Emily asked the boys.

“Bella, er, surprised Paul this morning,” Jared said around his third muffin.

“Ah, Paul,” She rolled her eyes. “Do you think they’ll be long? I was just about to start on the eggs.” She retrieved a large yellow mixing bowl and three cartons of eggs.

“Don’t worry, we won’t let anything go to waste,” Embry assured her as he swallowed yet another muffin whole. Emily leaned over to hit him across the back of the head with a wooden spoon

“Save some for your brothers!”

The word surprised me, but it fit. Standing in Emily’s home, it was clear that this was a family - and I was stepping on toes.

The kitchen was cozy. The worn, pale wooden floorboards perfectly complemented the sage-green cabinets. Next to the sink was a cracked pitcher, overflowing with wildflowers.

While the boys bantered, Emily mixed several dozen eggs with a whisk. She had the sleeves of her lavender top pushed up, and I could see the scars extending down the back of her right hand. I thought back to what Embry said; Hanging out with werewolves truly did have its risks.

The front door opened and Sam walked through.

“Emily,” He said, walking to her in four long strides. It was as if she were the only one in the room, and I blushed at the pure love and adoration in his tone. It felt uncomfortable, like I was intruding - which I guess I was.

Sam took her face between his hands, tenderly kissing each of the dark scars, before kissing her deeply on the lips.

I looked away.

Jared and Embry began to make violent retching sounds.

“We’re trying to eat here!”

“Then shut up and eat,” Sam suggested, before kissing her once more.

I was considering how rude it would be for me to excuse myself and wait for Jake outside, when he and Paul came through the front door, Smiling and play-fighting as if they hadn’t been trying to kill each other only twenty minutes earlier. 

Jake spotted me against the far wall, and made his way over to me, grabbing two muffins on the way.

“You okay?” He asked under his breath.

“Me?” I responded quietly. “ _ I’m _ fine. Are  _ you _ okay?”

“Not a scratch on me,” Jacob said cheerfully

“Awh, man!” Jared moaned just then. 

We looked up to see him and Embry examining a faded pink line of Paul's forearm.

“Ha!” Embry exclaimed, Grinning from ear to ear and pumping a fist in the air. “Pay up, Loser!”

“Did you do that?” I whispered to Jake. He shrugged, nonchalant, as he peeled the liner off one of his muffins.

“I didn’t cut him that deep, it’ll be gone by tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?” I looked back at Paul’s arm, confused. It didn’t even look like a cut, it looked like a faded scar, like it was a few weeks old at least.

“We heal fast,” Jake said, polishing off the second muffin. “It’s a wolf thing.”

“Guys,” Sam interrupted our conversations. He had turned to face us, but still had a hand on the small of Emily’s back where she was cooking the eggs. “Jacob has information for us,” He looked to Jake, nodding at him to speak.

Jake stepped forward, away from the wall to address his packmates.

“I know what the redhead wants. That’s what I was trying to tell you  _ before _ ,” He kicked the leg of Paul’s chair at that. “She  _ is _ trying to avenge her mate, but it wasn’t the black-haired leech we killed. Bella says the Cullen’s got her mate last year.” 

They were all staring at me, expressions ranging from confusion to disbelief. Even Emily had turned to watch me, the spatula in her right hand dripping egg.

“But the Cullens are gone, right?” Jared asked.

Jake nodded. “She isn’t after the Cullens, she’s after Bella.”

Jared, Embry, and Emily’s eyes flicked between Jacob and I. It seemed Paul and Sam had already heard this.

“That’s why she keeps trying to get through us, She’s been trying to get to Forks.”

“So…?” Embry trailed off.

“So we have bait,” Jared jumped in. Jacob growled at him, but was sated by a swift glare from Sam.

“So we change our patterns,” The older man said, ignoring them. “We’ll leave a couple of holes, see if she falls for it.” He turned to address me. “You should spend as much time as possible here, it will be easier for us to protect you.”

“What about Charlie?” I asked.

“Billy will try and get him down here as much as possible too,” Jacob assured me.

“And,” Sam paused to give the boys a pointed glance. “We’ll set up shifts to patrol your house at night.” 

I swallowed a lump in my throat.  _ That _ was uncomfortable. And I didn’t like the idea that the pack would be losing sleep to protect me. 

Looking at each of their faces, I realized just how young all of them were. Most of them younger than me. Even Paul - the oldest after Sam - wasn’t even an adult yet. They were just boys. 

As I looked over them all, my gaze landed on Emily’s. Even as she turned back to the stove, I could see the worry that creased her beautiful face.

“Bella,” Jacob interrupted my thoughts. “You said some Vamps had special abilities. Does the redhead have anything like that?”

Surprise once again coloured everyone’s face - even Sam and Paul’s. I guess they hadn’t heard about that part.

I cleared my throat and shook my head. “No, I don’t think so anyway…”

“But some do?” Sam clarified.

“Yeah, some of the Cullens had… Well, Edward could read minds, and Alice could see the future. Jasper could kind of, control your emotions. Carlisle had said it was a sort of exaggeration of traits you had as a human.”

There was a long beat of silence.

“Well, maybe she  _ can _ help us,” Paul muttered to his brothers.

“Food’s ready,” Emily said, putting an end to the conversation. She put a serving dish piled high with scrambled eggs on the table, and all conversation was done as the wolves scrambled for plates.

“You wanna go?” Jacob whispered in my ear.

I nodded up at him, and we ducked out the front door.

We went back to Jacob’s house, and I followed him around back to the shed. He sat in the loveseat against the wall, his head falling back in exhaustion. I collapsed beside him. It couldn’t really have been later than noon, but my day so far had left me beat.

Jacob put his arm around me and tugged me into his side without lifting his head. I rested against his chest, tucking my legs up underneath me.

“Jake?” I whispered, tapping my finger against his sternum.

“Mmm.”

“What happened to Emily?”

His chest rose and fell beneath my cheek as he sighed, I could hear the whoosh of breath through his lungs.

“There was more than one reason I wasn’t allowed to see you, Bella,” He said. “It’s dangerous for you to be around me. You saw what happened with Paul today. Werewolves aren't known for their anger management skills.” He snorted. 

I pushed up on his chest to look him in the face.

“Sam lost it, and he transformed. Em was too close.” He looked sad, his face mere centimeters from mine. 

His hand was rubbing circles on my lower back, his fingers blazing against the bare skin where my shirt had ridden up. 

I ducked my head below his chin to escape the moment.

“I want to be around you anyways,” I murmured against his neck, my lips brushing against his warm skin.

His grip tightened around me, pulling me flush to his side, and kissed the top of my head.

“I want you around me, too,” he whispered, running his fingers up my arm to hold my hand over his chest.

We slept for a few hours, the weird angle of his head making Jake snore intermittently.

As night began to fall, I was awoken by the sound of a car door slamming. Through the twilight, I could hear Billy greeting Charlie. He must have called him to tell him I was here, and I was grateful my dad didn’t have to worry about me. In my haste this morning I had never told him where I was going.

I was still cradled against Jacobs' side, grateful for his warmth as the evening cooled the air. His right arm was wrapped around my back, his hand resting on my hip, his left was on my knee. 

I leaned up to look at his face. His head was tilted back against the cushions, his legs splayed out in front of him. He was nearly slipping off the couch in his attempt to recline.

His mouth was open, his full lips parted just slightly. Long, dark lashes brushed against his high cheekbones. I watched those lashes flutter, his eye moving beneath the veil of his eyelid, his brow creasing and relaxing as he dreamed.

He looked beautiful.

I rubbed my hand back and forth across his chest to wake him, his hand flexed against my hip. He stirred only slightly, his mouth closed and his eyes scrunched.

“Wake up Jake, Charlie’s here.”

He blinked a few times, looking around with the confusion of being half-awake. It took him a few moments to orient himself, yawning. Eventually, he took in where we were, and that I was there.

“Hey, Bells,” he muttered, his voice husky and slurred with sleep.

“Hi, Jake,” I laughed. “C’mon, we gotta get up, Charlie’s here.”

As if on cue, we heard the familiar crunch of footsteps approaching.

“Bells?” I heard my dad call.

We jumped up, as if we had been doing something illicit. I guessed to a dad it might look that way, to walk in on us sleeping together on the ratty old loveseat.

Jake took my hand, and we walked out into the dark, meeting Charlie halfway between the shed and the house. 

He looked us up and down as we approached, eyeing our intertwined hands suspiciously.

“Hey… Kids.”

“Hey, Dad,” I disengaged my hand from Jacob’s, not wanting to give him any false ideas.

“Charlie,” Jake nodded at him.

“Billy call you?” I asked.

“Yeah,” He turned to walk with us back to the little red house, the lights of the windows glowing through the trees. “Bought a couple of pizzas, thought we could eat supper here.”

“Sweet!” Jake exclaimed, skipping ahead of us and up the front steps. Charlie slowed his pace a little, and I adjusted to match him.

“So… You and Jake are friends again?” He looked at the house instead of me.

“Yeah, we’re friends again,” I emphasized  _ friends _ . “There was a… misunderstanding.”

He nodded, seeming to be thinking. We stopped at the bottom of the stairs.

“Are you okay?”

I smiled up at him, touched by his concern.

“I’m okay, Dad. Promise.”

He nodded again, satisfied.

“Alright then,” He walked up the stairs and into the house, and I followed after him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woof, Okay. This one took me ages, and I'm not super pleased with the pacing of it, but there it is!
> 
> Thank You everyone for your likes and Kudo's, I don't know that I would still be writing this without your guys' encouragement :)


	13. Touch

**Touch**

I hadn’t thought about Sam’s orders for the wolves to watch my house that first night, and had passed out quickly when I got home. Exhausted as I was, I slept through the night for the first time in weeks.

The next day was Sunday, and Billy and Henry Clearwater had already taken Charlie out fishing by the time I got up and made my way down to LaPush.

When I got to Jake’s house, there was a slip of folded paper with my name on it wedged in the doorframe. 

Billy’s handwriting was long and scrolling, the big letters running into each other.

_ ‘Bella- _

_ Jacob is still sleeping. The door is unlocked, let yourself in. _

_ We’ll keep Charlie safe. _

_ Billy.’ _

Sure enough, the door handle turned easily in my hand. 

I shut the door quietly behind me, and left my shoes in the entryway, then wavered in the hall for a moment. What would I do with myself?

I supposed I could watch TV… I looked down the hallway and saw that Jake’s bedroom door was open. 

Quietly, I tiptoed along the hardwood floors.

Jacob’s face was slack in sleep, pressed against the pillow he had his arms wrapped around. A quilt was abandoned on the floor, and a single top sheet was tangled around his legs.

He was shirtless, and I could just see the shadow of two dimples beside his tailbone, peeking out from the edge of the white sheet.

For a moment, I had the urge to run my fingertips along the sloping curve of his spine.

I quickly tamped down that urge and shut the door as quietly as I could, retreating to the safety of the living room.

Though I turned the volume of the television down so low I could barely hear it, Jake emerged from his bedroom a few minutes later, a pair of loose shorts low on his hips.

He looked a little confused as he came around the corner, but gave me a dopey grin when he saw me sitting cross-legged on his couch.

“Hey, Bella,” His voice was raspy. “My Dad gone?”

I nodded. “He went out fishing with Charlie and Henry.”

Jacob plopped down on the floor by my knee and rested his head on my thigh.

I regarded the back of his hair with some interest. There were some shorter spots that I could see his scalp through, and it was too long around his ears. He must have cut it with scissors - or had Billy cut it for him.

I was pretty sure Charlie had an old pair of electric clippers under the bathroom sink. After it grew out a bit more, I would have to offer to cut it for him…

Jacob groaned.

I had been mindlessly carding my fingers through his short hair while I thought, scraping my fingernails across the sensitive skin of his scalp. He sighed again, turning his face into my leg.

I giggled, doubling down on the scratching, gently pulling on the strands.

“Don’t laugh at me,” Jake mumbled into my thigh, my jeans muffling his voice. “-ve no idea how good that feels,”

I kept going, watching the gentle rise and fall of his shoulders getting slower, feeling the puffs of his warm breath against my leg.

It felt like standing in a warm surf - the tug of waves slowly pulling me into Jacob’s tide.

A loud infomercial broke the perfect stillness of the moment. I removed my hand from Jake’s hair, and turned the volume up on the TV.

We watched some mindless wildlife program for about an hour, although I was pretty sure Jake had slept through most of it. His head had remained against my thigh, and I had been careful not to move too much or disturb him.

When the credits for the show began to roll, Jacob stood, stretching.

“Come on,” He said, “I can’t watch this crap all day. What do you want to do?”

I shrugged.

“What did you plan on doing today?”

“Other than sleeping?” He snorted. “Not much. A need some parts for the Rabbit before I can do any more work on it.”

“Oh,” I said. “Well, where do you get parts?”

“Port Angeles, usually. There are a couple of cheap parts and scrap-metal stores near there.”

“I’m up for a drive if you are,” I offered.

“You sure?” Jacob sounded skeptical. “It’s probably going to be really boring.”

“I don’t mind,” I said. “I like spending time with you.”

Jake gave me a funny look, then smiled.

“Alright,” He said. “Let me get dressed and then we’ll go.”

We left a note for Billy and Charlie and took off in the truck. We went through a McDonald's drive-through for breakfast, And Jacob air-drummed and sang along to the rock songs on the radio station.

In the City, Jacob directed me to his preferred stores, and I followed him patiently through the aisles of dirty pieces of metal. I kept my hands behind my back, worried that I might break something if I touched it.

We spent most of the day browsing similar stores, Jake chatting my ear off about mechanic lingo I didn’t understand. I was just happy to be near him.

I had spent too long without my sun, and now he was shining down on me, warming me to the bone, making me soft and pliable again in his heat.

It was around two when Jacob found the piece he needed. We were in some kind of antique knick-knack store at the edge of the city. 

At least, the sign said “Antiques”... from what I could tell, it was just a garage full of anything with dust. There was everything from Hello-Kitty clocks from the ’90s to Ox-Tongue Irons. 

I was looking at a stack of old sepia photos depicting a woman in a striped corset and bloomers swallowing a sword, and Jake was digging through an old apple box of dusty metal scraps.

From around the corner, I heard him yelp excitedly. He came bounding over to me with what looked like half of a dumbbell wrapped in a faded red wire, grinning from ear to ear. 

“That’s it?” I asked.

“Yup! The last piece I need!” He was practically bouncing on the spot. “I can finally finish it!”

I held out my hand for a high-five, and he used it to pull me to his chest. I happily wound my arms around his big middle while he kissed the top of my head. 

He kept my hand in his as he walked up to the cash, and I looked at the displays on the counter while Jake haggled over the price.

In a plexiglass box to the left of the register, something shiny caught my eye. A long, thin knife was resting artfully against a piece of driftwood. 

The silver blade was curved, with a triangular crest near the handle - like the fin of a fish. 

The handle itself looked like it was made out of an antler. It was yellowy-brown and ridged, the porous base of the antler creating a natural hand-hold. 

Behind the knife was its leather sheath. Red-Brown, and skillfully carved with the head of a wolf.

“Beautiful, isn't it?” The shopkeeper asked, noticing me staring. I nodded shyly at him. He was an older gentleman, his greying hair tied back in a ponytail. He reminded me a bit of Billy, except he was missing a number of teeth.

“How old is it?” I asked.

“Well the sheath was done in the ’70s,” He said, pulling it lovingly from the display. “But the guy who sold it to me said he found the knife on the bank of the Bogachiel. It’s hard to tell how old it is, but it looks hand-made.”

He slid both the knife and it’s leather sleeve across the counter for me to see. I traced a finger timidly over the carving in the leather, and Jake picked up the knife, twisting it in his hands to examine the blade.

“It’s a fillet knife,” Jacob informed us. “For fishing.”

It was beautiful. Obviously lovingly crafted. Charlie would be head-over-heels.

“How much?” I asked the old man.

“Sixty.”

“Thirty,” Jacob jumped in, not about to let me get swindled.

The man looked amused.

“That’s a handmade knife, boy. Genuine Deer Antler and leather. Fifty.”

“I have forty-three,” I told them, counting the bills in my wallet.

The man gave me a gap-toothed smile. “It’s all yours, dear.”

I handed over my cash, and the man wrapped the knife and its sheath in some old newspaper.

“That was worth Seventy at least,” Jacob whispered to me as we left the run-down shop.

I laughed as I carefully put the paper package in my backpack.

“What do you want a knife for anyways?” Jake asked.

“I thought Charlie would like it,” I told him as we climbed in the truck.

“That’s nice of you.”

I shrugged. “He’s my Dad. Plus, I haven’t exactly been a joy to live with lately…”

Jake bought me a slice of pizza for lunch, and we started the hour-long drive back to La Push around three.

I was more than a little worn out by the time we made it back to Jake’s house. He collected his shopping, and I grabbed my backpack and we headed to the shed. 

Jacob got to work right away, sitting on a stool in front of the rabbit, pulling out some bottles and a rag, and started cleaning the piece he had bought.

I settled into the loveseat, suppressing a yawn, and pulling out my Trig homework. I wasn’t going to be much help to Jake, and I figured I might as well make good use of the time.

It was hard to keep myself awake, I was starting to think I slept more In Jake’s shed than I did in my own bedroom.

Around five-thirty, we heard Charlie’s cruiser pull into the front yard, and the crunch of his feet approaching the shed.

“Hey kids,” he said from the doorway. He stopped and whistled when he saw the Rabbit. “Wow, Jacob, you’ve been working hard, huh?”

“Yup!” Jake responded cheerfully. “Bell’s and I picked up the last part for her today, she’ll be up and running in no time!”

“You went parts shopping?” Charlie snorted at me while he peered at the engine over Jacob’s shoulder.

I shrugged. “I drove.”

“Right,” He chuckled. “Billy and I are heading to the Clearwater’s to watch the game - Harry’s making a fresh batch of Fish Fry. I figured you wouldn’t want to come…?”

I shook my head, “We had a late lunch.”

“Alright,” He nodded. “Don’t stay too late, Bells.”

“Sure thing, Dad. See you later.”

Charlie was out the door and heading back towards the cruiser when I remembered the knife. I quickly dug it out of my bag and ran after him.

“Hey, Dad! Just a sec’.” Charlie turned to look at me. “We were at this antique shop in Port Angeles and I saw this,” I held out the wad of newspaper to him.

“Oh… You didn’t have to get me anything, Bella” He muttered gruffly as he unwrapped it.

“I know,” I shrugged, looking at his hands as he extracted the knife. “But I saw it, and I thought of you. The guy said it was real old, but the sheath is newer, from the Seventies.”

Charlie was staring open-mouthed at the knife.

“It’s for fishing,” I added. My father and I were both uncomfortable with gift-giving.

“It- yeah it is,” He cleared his throat. “Wow, Bells, that’s really something. Thank you.” He finally smiled up at me, his eyes a little teary, and pulled me into a hug.

“No problem, Dad,” I smiled into his chest, disentangling myself gently. “I’ll see you tonight.”

I watched him walk back towards the cruiser, where Billy was waiting. I couldn’t remember the last time I had done something for my Dad like that. It felt  _ good _ . I couldn’t remember ever being this close to him.

I walked back into the shed as they pulled away, returning to my math questions.

“So, is it weird?” Jake asked after a little while.

“Is what weird?”

“Having wolves patrol your house at night.”

“Oh,” I looked up from where I had been doodling in the margins of my homework. “I guess I kind of forgot.”

Jacob looked up at me and snorted. “You  _ forgot  _ you had a teenage boy outside your window while you slept?”

I shrugged, blushing a little. “I was really tired last night… And don’t say it like that, it’s already awkward enough without you making it sound perverted.”  _ Besides _ I thought to myself,  _ I’m used to it _ .

Jacob shook his head at me.

“So who was there last night?” I asked.

“Jared,” Jake said. “Embry had the night off and Paul and I were running patrols with Sam. It’s Embry’s turn tonight.”

I nodded to myself. I liked Jared and Embry, they were nice enough. I was slightly more nervous about having Paul guard me though.

“When’s your turn?” I tried to make it sound conversational.

“Wednesday.”

“So, that means it's Paul's turn tomorrow?”

Jacob laughed heartily at me, “You’re not scared of the big bad wolf, are you?”

“No!” I said defensively “I just… would prefer to be guarded by someone who doesn’t hate me.”

Jake shook his head at me. “You don’t have to worry about Paul, honey. Sam ordered us to look after you, he couldn’t go against Alpha Orders if he tried. Besides, he doesn’t hate you, he hates the Cullen’s - they kind of ruined his life.”

“Ruined his life?” I knew the Wolves hated the Cullen’s on the basis that they were Vampires, and therefore their mortal enemies or whatever, but that seemed a little harsh.

“Yeah,” Jake continued, “None of us would have gone through the transformation if it weren’t for them.”

“What do you mean? Isn’t it genetic?”

“Well, yes - That is to say, we all have the wolf genes. But they would have never presented themselves if there weren’t any Vamps around. We went generations without a pack - until the Cullens came back.”

I pondered that. I hated the thought. 

I never thought of the Cullen’s as anything but caring and courteous, but it seemed undeniably cruel to rob these boys of their teenage years. I wondered if they knew the full impact of their presence.

“Sorry,” Jacob was watching me think.

“Why are you sorry?” I asked.

“I know it must be hard for you to talk about them,”

I nodded.

“It is… But it’s not as bad as it was. He hurt me a lot, but I’m healing. Being with you helps.”

He looked up at me and smiled.

I yawned again just then, and Jacob laughed at me.

“Come on Bells, you look beat. I’ll drive you home.”

Jake wiped the grease off his hands with a dirty rag while I packed my books into my backpack.

It was getting dark outside already, and I clung to Jacob as we made our way through the patch of trees towards the front yard so that I wouldn’t trip in the low light.

I handed him my keys, and hoisted myself into the cab beside him. 

The radio was low, and Jacob’s hand was warm in mine as we drove down the winding highway past the sea.

“Bells, honey, we’re home.”

I woke up with my head on Jacob's shoulder, the truck stopped in front of Charlie’s house. The day had left me exhausted, and the familiar roll and roar of the truck’s engine had lulled me to sleep. I rubbed my eyes with my fists, trying to wake myself up enough to get inside.

The drive down from the Rez was only about Fifteen minutes - I wondered how long I had been asleep.

Jake watched me in silence, apparently perfectly content to watch me doze in the truck forever. I blinked at his blurry form until his edges came back into focus. 

Maybe it was the dimly glowing streetlight we were parked under, but Jacob looked soft, almost sad. He lifted his hand, using the pad of his thumb to brush a stray eyelash off from under my eye. 

I froze, partly out of habit, and partially from shock. I didn’t know why I was caught so off-guard - Jacob and I were touching constantly. 

But this felt… different.

He lingered, the back of his hand trailing faintly down my cheek and over my jaw, skipping down to my collarbone, where his fingertips ghosted over my skin for half a second, before falling back into his lap. I watched his adam's-apple bob as he swallowed thickly. 

“What time is it?” My voice came out high and strained. I cleared my throat.

He didn’t answer for a bit. 

“Seven-Thirty,” He said finally, sighing and looking away from me. “Embry’ll be here soon,”

I nodded.

I knew I should get out of the truck. Go inside, have a shower. But It felt as though the warm air of the cab - heavy with tension - was holding me down in my seat.

The dark pressing against the windows of the cab made it feel like we were in our own private bubble, Like we were the only two people in the world.

I cleared my throat again, forcing myself to speak.

“I should…”

“Yeah,” He cut in before I could get the words out. “You should go get some rest.” 

He smiled tightly, looking at my left shoulder instead of my face. 

I nodded again, gathering my bag from the floor. The tension was suddenly unbearable, I had to get out.

“‘Night, Jake” I whispered as I opened the door and stepped out of the cab.

I slammed the door a little too hard behind me, and hurried across the road to the house.

I showered quickly, eager to get to bed. Not bothering to wash my hair, I gathered it into a knot on top of my head so I didn’t get it wet. 

Back in my bedroom, I shut the curtains tight before I dropped my towel and changed into my pajamas.

I settled into bed, and waited for sleep to come.

Except it didn’t come.

I was physically exhausted, my legs aching with sleep. But my brain was running a million miles a minute, replaying the moment with Jake in the truck over and over like a stuck record.

It wasn’t until hours later - well after Charlie had come home and gone to bed - that I gave in.

I lifted my hand to my face in the dark, mimicking the movement of Jacob’s fingers over my skin; His thumb brushing beneath my eye, the back of his hand trailing down my cheek, his fingertips hovering over my collarbone - barely even touching.

I closed my eyes, breathing in. I started again.

Eye, cheek, jaw, chest.

My skin was burning, it was too warm. I kicked the covers off of my legs.

Eye, cheek, jaw, chest… I let my fingers wander, still light as a feather. Brushing almost imperceptibly over the fabric of my shirt - across the swell of my breast, the stiffening peak of my nipple, over my ribs and stomach to my navel and back up, slowly.

I couldn’t remember the last time I had touched myself. It had probably been since before I moved to Forks. 

I obviously couldn’t have done anything like this with Edward around. Even if he didn’t watch me sleep every night, I would have felt far too embarrassed to do something like that in front of him.

Christ, I had been embarrassed for him to know I  _ peed _ let alone  _ masturbated _ .

I pushed all thoughts of Edward from my mind, refocusing on my gentle stroking.

Chest, breast, nipple, stomach... I pulled the hem of my shirt up, bunching the fabric under my armpits, and my areola tightened in the open air, my nipples standing at attention.

I added my other hand as I traced up the dip of my waist, circling my fingers around my tight pink nipples. I let a sighing moan escape me, my hips circling against the open air as I tried to find friction.

I left my left hand resting against my breast, the other slipping beneath the waistband of my shorts.

I ran my fingers through the tuft of hair on my mons, tickling against the soft skin of my labia. I put my feet flat on the bed, bending my knees and spreading my legs further.

I palmed at my breast as I let my finger slip between my lips to the wetness that had gathered below. My back arched as I brought the lubrication to my clit, rubbing slowly over the sensitive nub.

I moaned again as I began to pick up the pace. Though I knew Charlie was probably asleep, I tried to keep quiet, not wanting to risk him hearing me.

My digits flicked rapidly over the little bundle of nerves, my head thrown back against the pillows. 

It didn’t take long before the growing tension in my body snapped like an over-stretched elastic band. My fingers stilled, my hand cupping my sex as I came, jerking against my palm. My knees snapped together and I turned to the side, muffling my groan in the pillow.

I lay still for a few moments, trying to catch my breath, before pulling my shirt back into place and extracting my hand from my shorts.

I slept soundly for the first time in months.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy Crap I finally finished it! I don't know why this chapter was friggin' impossible to write... But it's done now, and we're finally getting into the good stuff. Thank you to everybody who has left Kudos or comments, I love hearing from you guys, and appreciate each and every one of you for reading my crap!


	14. Storm

**Storm**

I was awake before Charlie the next morning, and spent a few minutes laying in bed, reveling in the stillness of the morning, and the stillness of my body. 

I felt well-rested, finally...

But I also felt confused.

I could not deny that I felt  _ something _ for Jacob, something that was decidedly not platonic. But where that left us I couldn’t say.

The thought of loving Jacob terrified me, and the thought of him loving me even more so.

_ But,  _ some part of my brain reasoned,  _ You already love him... _

I heard the sound of Charlie’s alarm announcing the hour with the droning of the radio, muffled through the walls. Distantly, I heard the creak of bedsprings as he got himself up, and the sound of his door opening across the hall. I dressed as Charlie took his morning shower.

I drove to school early, and did the homework I had neglected over the weekend in the truck before class.

There wasn’t much talk between classes and at lunch. With the school year coming to a close, most of my friends were studying panickedly for the end-of-term Exams. Jess was particularly stressed, as her GPA had slipped drastically over the year, and I spent most of my lunch hour recounting the plot of the Great Gatsby for her - She hadn’t actually read it.

Back in Phoenix, Exams had meant a couple hundred students locked in the cafeteria for an hour and a half, sat in precisely-spaced desks, scared to even cough.

But Exams at Forks High didn’t feel much different than any other test we had taken over the year. 

So, though I studied along with my classmates and friends, I couldn’t bring myself to be as stressed as they were. And, thanks to all the reviewing we were doing in class, I found plenty of time to mull over this thing between Jacob and me.

The sky was churning with dark purple clouds as I drove home from school. Fat and heavy with unspilled rain, they hung low and menacing against the mountainous horizon.

Though the air thrummed with the sound of far-off thunder, only a few measly raindrops hit my windshield.

I walked quickly from the truck to the front porch, glaring at the sky all the way.

As I opened the front door with the key above the eaves, Charlie's cruiser pulled into the driveway beside my tuck. I waited for him on the porch.

The wind was starting to pick up, whipping my hair around my face.

“Hey,” I called out as he collected his things and stepped out.

“Hey, kiddo,” He responded.

We both looked up at the sky as a particularly loud crack of thunder rang out. Charlie let out a low whistle, climbing the front steps as I held the door for him.

“Looks like it’s going to be a doozy,”

“Yeah,” I agreed, closing the door against the cold.

Supper was a quiet affair - Charlie was absolutely drained from so many late nights. He nodded off on the couch while I washed the dishes. 

Through the kitchen window, I could see the trees swaying violently in the stormy wind. The rain had yet to truly start, but occasionally a fat raindrop would spatter against the glass.

I glanced at the clock on the stove - 8:04. Paul was surely out there. If he didn’t already hate me, he certainly would after spending a night in my backyard in a storm. 

I could hear Charlies’ snores over the droning of the TV. I looked back out the window, trying to catch a glimpse of the silver-grey wolf through the trees, before my eyes fell on the dish of Shepards Pie, keeping warm on the stove.

I collected a clean plate from the dry rack, scooping a heaping spoonful of steaming pie onto the white porcelain, and then a second for good measure. Tiptoeing across the vinyl tiles, I peeked my head through the doorway to the living room to check that Charlie was fully asleep, before quietly letting myself out the back door.

“Paul?” I whispered in the direction of the woods. “Paul?”

I saw the flash of eyes in the shadow of the wolf’s face from between the trees. He blinked once and then retreated. 

I waited with my meager peace offering, shaking in my socked feet.

A moment later, the human Paul jogged across the yard in his cut-off sweats.

“What do you want, Leech-Lover?” was his cold greeting. I ignored the quip, holding out the plate.

“I thought you might be hungry,” His eyes fell to the warm food.

“Oh,” he said. He took a cautious step forward, and then another, onto the porch. “Thanks,” He took the plate from my hands, digging in.

We stood in awkward silence for a moment, as he devoured the pie.

“Are you going to be okay?” I asked finally. “You know, in the storm.” I gestured uselessly at the sky.

Paul snorted dismissively

“Oh, I’ll be fine. Wolves run warm,” He flashed a toothy grin between bites.

My teeth were chattering at this point, so I conceded with an easy “Okay.”

“Just leave the dish out here, I’ll get it in the morning.” 

He nodded, sitting down on the porch steps.

I snuck back in the back door, carefully closing the screen so it didn’t slam. I paused in the kitchen, holding my breath until I heard the sound of Charlie’s snores from the living room. 

Making more noise than strictly necessary, I drained the sink, covered the rest of the Shepards Pie and put the dish in the fridge, and gave the counter a quick wipe-down.

I turned off the lights as I left the kitchen, giving my father no reason to go anywhere near the back door, and rounded the corner into the living room.

Charlie was shutting off the TV and sitting up in his recliner as I cleared my throat from the doorway.

“Calling it a night?” I asked casually.

I glanced towards the living room window, trying to ensure Paul wasn’t visible. Luckily, the curtains were drawn.

“Yeah, I’m beat,” Charlie responded.

I looked back to him, nodding. 

“Okay, I was just going to go upstairs to do some homework. Night, Dad.”

“Night, Kiddo.”

I headed up the stairs to my room, listening carefully at the door until Charlie was safely in his room.

I was woken with a start around Five in the morning. I couldn’t say if it was the sound of the house phone ringing shrilly, or the thunderous storm battering the house that had pulled me from my sleep.

After a beat of silence, the second ring was cut short as Charlie picked up the phone.

I pulled myself from my bed, padding barefoot to my window - drawn by what sounded like a waterfall against the vinyl siding.

The violent wind was blowing the rain away from my window, otherwise, I was sure all I would have been able to see would be a wall of rainwater. 

I listened to the distant sound of my father’s gruff voice while I watched a small river form in our backyard.

Charlie hung up the phone, and a few moments later, I heard a quiet knock on my bedroom door.

“Yeah?” 

“Hey, you’re up,” Charlie said as he swung the door open. He was tired and disheveled looking, his dark hair sticking up in all directions. “I just got a call from the station. The Ozette Sheriff’s Office just reported their third Missing Person’s case this month.”

“Oh,” I said. “Wow.” 

I couldn’t think of what else to say. With the Wolves keeping Victoria out of Forks, she must be hunting in the nearby town.

“It’s a… Well, this time it’s a kid. They’ve requested our help looking for him.”

“A kid?” I asked. I didn’t put it past Victoria, but it was still a little shocking.

“Yeah, A Fifteen-year-old. Listen, I’m not sure how long I’ll be gone, It might be a few days. Will you be okay on your own?”

“Of course, Dad,” I reassured him.

He nodded. I didn’t blame him for being worried. Little did he know I was probably the most well-protected teenage girl in a 100-mile-radius. Him on the other hand...

“Alright,” He said. “I’ll call when I get to the Ranger Station.”

“Sure,” I smiled at him, trying to hide the slowly bubbling panic. “Be safe,” I urged him.

He shut my bedroom door as he left.

I turned back to my window, leaning my forehead against the cold glass. I closed my eyes, breathing steadily in through my nose and out my mouth. 

When my heart began to steady, I stepped back, watching the cloud of perspiration shrink until it disappeared.

I decided there was no use in dwelling, and got myself dressed in a long sleeve and jeans. I grabbed my thick green turtleneck from the back of my closet, and carried it down the stairs with me. It was too warm to wear inside the house, but I was sure I would appreciate it in the drafty classrooms. 

I poured myself a bowl of Cheerios in the kitchen. I had a couple of hours to kill, so I brought my breakfast to the living room, flicking the Television on to the local news. 

I left it playing when I got up to wash my bowl in the sink, some poor reporter in a yellow poncho was yelling over the rain that was half-drowning her. 

Looking out the window as I rinsed soap suds off the spoon, I saw Pauls’ plate balanced on the porch railing, the fork floating in the overflowing pool of water filling it. 

I sighed, drying my hands on a dishtowel. Better to get it now and wash it before I forgot about it. 

Charlie’s hunting jacket was hung on the hook by the front door, and I pulled it around my shoulders before stepping out onto the back porch.

Doing a sort of waddling run, I hurried to the railing, trying not to slip on the wet planks. 

I grabbed the plate and fork, and dumped the water onto the porch. As I lifted the plate, I saw that there was a piece of paper that had been stuck underneath it. I snatched it up off the railing before it could soak through, and hurried back inside. 

Miraculously, I managed not to fall on my butt.

Pulling the hood off my head and wiping my wet feet on the entry mat, I examined the paper.

It was just a scrap - The torn corner of a piece of lined paper. 

Though putting the paper under the plate had saved it from much of the rain, the humidity had caused the paper to curl and the pencil to fade. I could just make out what I assumed to be Paul’s writing.

_ ‘You should know - Wolves have very good hearing.’ _

I snorted.

“Thanks, Paul,” I rolled my eyes.

I couldn’t think why that was such an important thing to tell me.

I tossed the paper into the trash, and washed the plate and fork, adding them to my breakfast dishes on the dry.

I went back to the Living room, intending to turn off the TV. The screen was showing a blurry image of a giant paw print in the mud, while a reporter reminded the good people of Forks of the imminent danger of Giant Wolves in the Woods.

Little did they know…

I clicked the power button on the remote and retrieved my sweater from the back of the couch. 

Before I could make it to the front door to put my boots on, the phone rang.

“Hello?” I answered, struggling to put my arm through the sleeve of my sweater one-handed.

“Hi Bella,” Came the gruff voice on the other side. “It’s Sam Uley.”

“Hi Sam,” I said, switching hands so I could get the other arm through the sleeve. I held the phone away from my ear for a second so I could shove my head through the tight turtleneck.

“What’s up?” I asked, putting the receiver back to my ear.

“Paul just got back from his shift. He says your Father left early this morning, and that he packed a bag?”

I was impressed by Paul’s perceptiveness.

“Yeah,” I tried to smooth the static from my hair. “He’s heading up to Ozette. There’s a missing teen down there, and their Sheriff's department asked for help in finding him.”

“Ah,” Sam said. “How long will he be gone?”

“He said a couple of days, but he wasn’t sure.”

“Alright, I’ll have Embry and Jared follow him up to keep an eye on him.”

“Thanks, Sam,” I said, feeling much better about the situation.

“You’re welcome, Bella.”

“Hey, Sam?” I asked.

“Yes?”

“They aren’t going to find that kid, are they?”

There was a pause, as if he was assessing my fragility.

“No,” He said eventually, “Probably not.”

I nodded to myself.

“Thanks again, Sam.”

“Sure.”

Charlie hadn’t called before I’d left for school.

I tried to reassure myself that he was probably just running late because the weather was so bad - I certainly drove slowly on my way in.

I spent most of my class time flip-flopping between being worried about my Father, being reassured that the wolves were there, and being worried about the wolves.

By the time Gym let out, I was anxious to get home and check the answering machine, and hurried down the path towards the parking lot.

The rain had let up a bit, but it was still wet and cold out, and with my hood up, I didn't see Jess and Lauren under the eaves of the Cafeteria until they called out my name.

I looked up to where they were huddled together, Jessica looking at me, and Lauren staring at something in the parking lot. I walked over to them.

“Hey Jess, Lauren… What’s up?”

Jessica jutted her chin towards where Lauren was staring, indicating without pointing.

“Who  _ is _ that?” She asked.

I turned to scan the parking lot. I couldn’t see why they would ask  _ me _ who someone was - until I saw Jacob leaning casually against the drivers' door of my truck. 

Despite the rain, he was wearing his usual cut-off sweats and a t-shirt.  _ Honestly, _ I thought,  _ I should be grateful he’s wearing a shirt at all _ .

As usual, he looked beautiful. I couldn’t blame the two girls for being a little star-struck. 

I felt a certain sort of greedy pride that he would be going home with  _ me _ tonight.

“Jacob,” I said. “My friend Jacob Black, from down on the Quileute Rez. You guys met him when we went to La Push.”

Lauren snapped her head around to stare at me.

“ _ That’s _ the same kid we met at La Push?” She asked incredulously.

I shrugged and nodded.

Jessica whistled.

“Guess Jacob Black grew up…”

They had both turned back to stare at him. Green envy bubbled in my stomach at the way they were looking at him. 

I decided they didn’t need my help to ogle at his biceps and excused myself silently.

As I neared the truck, Jacob spotted me and pushed himself up to greet me.

“Hey, Bells,” he said cheerfully, pulling me into a one-armed hug.

“Hey, Jake,” I wrapped my arms around his middle. ‘ _ Mine _ ’ I thought.

Jacob chuckled, letting me go.

“How was school?” He asked.

“Good,” I said. “Long. Did you go to school today?” I climbed into the driver's seat, and Jacob jogged around to the Passenger side before answering.

“Naw,” He said. “Had to catch up on sleep if I was going to be up all night watching your window.”

I rolled my eyes as I cranked the heat and waited for the engine to warm.

“Don’t be stupid, Jake. You can come inside, Charlie’s gone.”

“How long will he be gone for? Sam just said a few days.”

“Not sure. He said he would call me when he got to the Station, but I left before he called.” 

Jacob slung his arm across the back of the seat as I pulled out of the parking lot.

“Don’t worry, Embry and Jared were watching him when I was on my way over.”

I turned to catch a glimpse of Jessica and Lauren staring aghast at me from the cafeteria while I waited in a line-up of cars. 

I bit back a smirk and turned to Jacob - only to find him glaring at Mike and Tyler who were watching us from between their cars. I smacked Jacob’s leg.

Jake carried my backpack into the house for me, leaving it by the kitchen table.

“So,” He asked. “What are we doing?”

“Well,” I said, opening the fridge. “I’ve got half a shepherd's pie left - that should be enough to feed you.” I held up the heavy dish before setting it on the stovetop. “I have a bit of homework to do, but I can do that while we watch TV if you want.”

“Cool,” Jacob smiled, rocking back and forth on his heels.

We ate in front of the TV, and I answered Algebra questions in between bites. By the time I had finished my plate, Jacob had finished the rest of the casserole dish. 

Underneath the comfort of being around Jake was the looming anxiety that I would soon be sleeping home alone with him. Sure, he would be downstairs on the couch while I was in my room,  _ ‘And he’s only here to protect me’ _ I reminded myself.

The real problem though, wasn’t that I didn’t want him near me, but that I didn’t want him out of my sight.

I wondered how rude it would be to retract my offer for him to stay inside...

I stayed up with him later than I would have if it was just me and Charlie, and by 9 pm I was nodding off against his shoulder. 

“What, tired already?” Jake laughed at me. “You’re such an old lady, Bells.” 

I stuck out my tongue at him, and he grabbed it between his thumb and forefinger. 

I pushed his hand away, “Ew Jake, your hand tastes like Ketchup!” I gagged dramatically.

“Well you should stop sticking your tongue out at me,” He said. “Or maybe one of these I’ll bite it off.”

My face blushed crimson at the thought of my tongue in Jacob’s mouth, and the nerves of spending the night with him resurfaced like a pool of tar in my stomach.

I cleared my throat and stood, focusing on gathering my homework into a pile. 

“I’m going to go have a shower. You can stay here, or hang out upstairs. Whatever you like… Just make yourself comfortable.” I stammered. I carried my schoolwork to the kitchen, bending to put it back in my school bag. I heard the TV click off behind me, and Jacob followed me into the kitchen with the stack of dishes. 

“Thanks,” I smiled at him, taking the plates and putting them in the sink. 

“No problem,” He left the ceramic dish on the kitchen counter.

We stood in the kitchen for another brief, uncomfortable moment, until I turned on my heel and practically ran up the stairs.

Safely behind the bathroom door, I turned on the shower, and faced myself in the mirror.

“Come on Bella, what are you doing?” I whispered to my reflection. “It’s just Jacob.” I pointed a finger sternly at the girl in the mirror. As if she would listen.

I stripped and got in the shower. Turning the dial until it was slightly colder than comfortable. Hoping that the cool water would keep my skin from flushing.

I towel dried my hair, brushed my teeth, and wrapped the towel tight around my torso. I had forgotten to bring pajamas into the bathroom with me, but I figured Jake was probably downstairs on the couch anyway.

I walked quickly to my bedroom, not wanting to spend too much time in the hallway in my towel. I closed the door behind me, turned, and nearly jumped out of my skin.

Jacob was laying on the left side of my bed, one hand behind his head, the other holding a snowglobe from my shelf up to the light.

“Hi,” I squeaked.

“Hey,” Jacob said, not even seeming to notice my state of undress.

My gaze fell to the floor, and landed directly on my shorts and shirt from the night before. My blush returned fiercely.

Paul had said Wolves had great hearing. I wondered how good their sense of smell was...

I scooped the offending garments off the floor, walking across to the laundry hamper and trying to discreetly hide them under a pair of jeans.

I grabbed a clean pair of underwear from the top drawer, and opened the next drawer down to find it empty save a few threadbare tank tops and some cotton shorts. 

I sighed, wishing I had done the laundry earlier in the week, but grateful that Jake wouldn’t catch me sleeping in his sweater again.

Clothes in hand, I looked to the door, contemplating whether to go back to the bathroom or ask Jake to leave, but he clamped his hand over his eyes before I even had to say anything.

“Tell me when it’s safe,” He said.

I chuckled, dropping the towel and pulling on the clothes as fast as I could.

“Safe,” I called out as I dropped the towel in the laundry hamper.

Jacob looked me once over from head to toe, before clearing his throat and standing to return the Snowglobe to its shelf.

“I’ve never seen you in shorts,” he said conversationally, shoving his hands in his pockets.

“It’s too cold to wear shorts in Forks,” I plucked at the hem of my shirt awkwardly. He nodded.

“Yeah, I guess it would be for you.” 

I scoffed.

“Yes, for those of us who aren’t human furnaces.” 

He smiled, and looked like he was about to say something, before shaking his head.

We stood in the silence for a while, unsure. But I was starting to get cold.

Giving in, I walked over to the far side of the bed, pulling back the covers to climb in.

“I, uh… I guess I’ll be outside,” Jacob scuffed his feet on the hardwood, walking towards the door.

“No, you can stay,” I blurted out. My face blushed crimson. “For a little while,” I qualified quickly.

“You sure?” Jake asked.

“Yeah, keep me company,” I pulled the covers over my legs, and pulled my knees to my chest. “I’m not really used to being alone anymore… Distract me from worrying about Charlie.”

Jacob sat beside me on the bed, rubbing his hand soothingly on my back. 

“He has two Mythical Werewolves watching over him, I’m pretty sure he’ll be fine,” He snickered.

I turned to smile at him, resting my head on my knees. He leaned back against my headboard, pulling me with him. My heartbeat raced as I curled up into his side, resting my cheek against his warm chest.

“Shhh,” Jacob soothed, rubbing his hand up and down my arm. “Relax, Bells.”

“Guess Werewolves  _ do _ have good hearing…” I snorted

“Who told you that?” 

“Paul,” I shrugged, leaning up to look at him. “He left me a note this morning, I’m not sure why.”

His brow creased. “Paul?”

I nodded.

“Huh,” He said. “I’ll ask him next time I see him.”

We were silent again for a few minutes. I could hear his heart beating reassuringly beneath my ear. It was unusually slow.

“What was it like? The first time you… transformed.”

He was silent for so long I thought he wasn’t going to answer, but eventually, his voice rumbled beneath me, reverberating through his chest.

“It was… Scary. I didn’t understand what was happening. For most of the others, It happened when they got angry - It’s hard for us to control when we’re upset. But for me… I guess I had just let it build up for so long…”

I stayed still and silent, waiting for him to continue.

“The day after I saw you, I was working in the Garage, but my hands were shaking so much I couldn’t do anything. I went to walk back to the house, but halfway there I fell, my legs were shaking so bad. I heard my clothes rip, and the next thing I knew, I was on my hands and knees in the middle of the yard - Except it wasn’t hands and knees. My body was all wrong, and when I yelled, It wasn’t my voice.”

I heard him swallow hard.

“My Dad came out right away, he was waiting for it. And I could hear Sam’s voice in my head. You’d think that might be frightening, hearing someone else’s voice in your head, but right then it seemed like the most normal thing that was happening. They talked me down, and I managed to shift back. I was lucky in that way - some of the guys stay in wolf form for weeks before they’re able to shift back the first time.”

Jacob was idly running his fingers up and down my side as he finished his story. I leaned up on his chest to look at him, putting a hand against his cheek.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “That must have been horrible, I wish I had been there for you.”

He turned his head to kiss the palm of my hand.

“I don’t. I’m glad you weren’t there to see that.” His left hand flexed against the dip of my waist, and his right kept my hand to his face.

“Will you stay here tonight?” I asked him.

“Of course,” He replied, kissing the top of my head. He released me so he could shuffle below the covers, then pulled me back to his side.

I could hear the wind still whipping around the house outside, but inside I was warm. Safe and warm with Jacob.

_ My Jacob. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I DID IT! I finally did the thing! I'm sorry it took me literally 2 months, but ya'know... life happens. Hope you enjoy!


End file.
